Wednesday, May 26, 2010

No It's Not You...It's Me

Now over the years I've heard some very informative, educational, even inspirational words of wisdom come from the mouths of funny men. Comedians, meant to entertain, but ended up teaching me a little about life and myself. I missed the Redd Foxx, Richard Pryor era, I grew up with Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence, Chris Rock and my favorite Bernie Mac. Somewhere between the profanity and an occasional "who you wit?!" I learned a lesson. One in particular came from the mouth and mind of Katt Williams.

"One girl came to me and said..."

"You hurt my self-esteem..."

He replied..."B*tch it's called SELF ESTEEM! Esteem of your mutha------ self!" Truer words were never spoken.

Often we find ourselves looking for someone else to tell us how we should feel inside. How we should feel about ourselves, them, the world...everything. No one has control over how we feel. When something is said or done, we make it mean something to us and choose how we respond.

If a stranger came up to you on the street and professed his love for you it would probably get met with a blank stare, maybe even a frightened clutch of some pepper spray. But if someone you love made the same announcement, it would probably fill you with a different sensation. More of comfort, affection, security. Eventhough the act is the same, we choose to make it mean something different. We have control.

Just as you can decide what food you feel like having for dinner, you can control what you want to internalize or not. I just think more of us need to know and recognize that. Never allow a man, woman, job, movie or magazine to tell you how to feel about yourself. It's great when you have a support structure around you (family & friends) to help, but in the end we're responsible for our own happiness.

Now Katt was very blunt, but correct. Self esteem is not established in the minds or opinions of other people. We have to know, understand, and love ourselves. We live in a world filled with self-medicating (drugs & alcohol), self-destructive behavior, and self loathing (depression), all of which is condoned in movies, tv shows and society. We're told that it's not our fault, excuses are made and we're shown how to "get by". No.

Happiness is a choice. I know we all have garbage in our lives, but it's not our problems that define us, it's how we deal with them that does. It's not about the job you got fired from, it's the career you started afterwards. Not the girlfriend that dumped you, it's the woman you met after her and are happily married to. Maybe it's the enjoyment of single life...whatever? The point is, it's up to us to appreciate and make the most of the lives we have. To be stronger than our circumstances. To know inside and out, we're worthy of happiness.

So let's take this moment to toast to ourselves in true Katt style. Raise that glass, or chalice, and point that pinky to the sky... "who you wit?!"


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