Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Forgive Me...Forgive Me Not

"To err is human; To forgive is divine." Not the way I see it, but ok. An interesting thing this "forgiveness" is. I've been told my entire life to "forgive and forget." Someone please help me understand, what sense does that make?

To forgive and forget; let me see...i'm supposed to excuse and overlook the event or action, then pretend it never happened? For what? Let me get this steal from me, I forgive you for doing it, then act like it didn't happen? So I don't get my money back, and you deal with no repercussions? Hmmmm. No thanks.

Now this might not get me into heaven, but I don't believe in forgiveness. I don't believe that we should overlook, cancel, or dismiss the actions and behaviors of others. Those behaviors are what make them, them. Also they're what tells us who we're truly dealing with. By forgiving and forgetting, we're blinding ourselves to the true nature of someone, their character. I don't suggest that we walk around carrying chips on our shoulders, I just believe we should hold everyone accountable for the things we do.

I know that everyone makes mistakes, that we all use bad judgement sometimes or just need to mature. That still doesn't give us a pass. If i've wronged you, and you choose never to let it go, that is my burden to bare. That's the cost for my crime. I'm not owed a do-over.

Forgiveness, no, I do however believe in acceptance. I accept people for who they are, and acknowledge what they're capable of doing. In that same example of if someone stole from me...just because I don't forgive you, doesn't mean we can't have a relationship. If it wasn't substantial enough to be a "deal breaker" we may still be ok. I accept that you steal and I know that. I may even be cool with you, i'm just not leaving my wallet around you, and if I get burned again...that's my bad.

This isn't about harboring anger or resentment. This is simply about taking personal responsibility for the things we do, and holding others to the same standard. I feel like more of us need to be real about our friendships, relationships and ourselves. How well can we really know a book if it's missing pages? Or a movie that has scenes missing? So how well can we know someone if we delete parts of who they are? That just cheats us both. Let's not be so concerned about erasing, good or bad, this is who we are.

I appreciate all of the people in my life who see and treat me accordingly. Taking in all of my traits, including my faults and foibles, truly accepting me. Even to those who chose to not give me a second chance, they made me evaluate myself a little more, they helped me grow, to mature. I thank you for that.

I'm a movie guy, and one of the best lines I heard about this was simply; "people say to forgive and forget. I say forget about forgiving, and just accept."

Just a thought.

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