Sunday, August 29, 2010

An Affair To Remember...But To Celebrate?

“I believe the children are our future…”, “I will always love you…”, even, “I wanna dance with somebody”, we all have our memories of Whitney Houston. For some of us it goes back to the early 90’s, others are only familiar with the infamous Whitney. (The cocaine, Bobby Brown era) Which ever Whitney you recall, she has touched, entertained and influenced so many.

Recently we celebrated a “holiday” here in America, national “side chick appreciation” day. I’ll wait…yes side chick appreciation day. A day to show some love to the woman potentially breaking up your family. There is actually a calendar day set aside with the sole purpose of acknowledging the number 2, or maybe 3 woman in a man’s life, and I don’t mean his daughters or mama. Have we really stumbled so low as a society that we recognize and celebrate “ol’ girl”?

Maybe I’m a little old fashioned, but the mistress doesn’t get kudos. She doesn’t get praise. This is another example of folks not playing their position. Let’s take this back to Whitney…she orchestrated and delivered a pin point blueprint for mistress behavior.

“Saving all my love for you”, was the hoe’s handbook. Learn your position:

“A few stolen moments is all that we share
You’ve got your family, and they need you there
Though I’ve tried to resist, being last on your list
But no other man’s gonna do
So I’m saving all my love for you”

Men you’re messing up out here in these streets! Stop with all this nonsense! Stop parading your side chick like she’s somebody. If you are fortunate enough to have a good woman at home, but too stupid not to cheat, at least have some respect…and not for the side chick! She chose her path. She is Rick Fox, she will never be Kobe Bryant. Now I know life for her isn’t easy, but Whitney addresses that as well:

“It’s not very easy, living all alone
My friends try to tell me, find a man of my own
But each time I try, I just break down and cry
Cause I’d rather be home feeling blue
So I’m saving all my love for you”

The life of a mistress... Seriously, this type of behavior is what crystallizes in my mind the fall of respect, self esteem and character in today's society. Ladies I fault you on this one. Sure the man lacks moral fiber, but he has to, if he was truly that great of a man he wouldn't be in that situation in the first place. In other words, you know what you’re getting yourself in to. You are worth so much more than the February 15th 70% off flowers and candy.

I'll even go as far as to say that some men are conflicted. They honestly have deep real feelings for more than just one woman, but that still doesn't mean anything. Best case scenario, he abandones his family for you???

Side chick appreciation day is nothing more than the parading of low class men and lower self esteemed women. Because at the end of the day, while you’re saving all your love for him, he’s already given all of his to her.

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Sunday, August 22, 2010

What's Your Number?

This has become an age of information, information on you, me, every one. We have pin numbers to access our voicemails and atm accounts. We give our telephone numbers to make purchases in stores. Our last four digits of our social security number have become our new last name. But above all else, a series of numbers that truly dictates our lives, are our credit score. This series of numerals governs where we live, what we drive, where we shop…everything.

Now it would only make sense then for us to apply a similar logic to the most important decision we can make…our significant other. We should all come with a relationship credit score. Like credit, when we’re young, we have a low score. Not because of bad decisions, but because of lack of experience. The older we get, the more relationship experience we gain. With bad, selfish, or irresponsible dating decisions…down goes our score.

This would help weed through the dating process. If a man or woman was a repeated cheater or dishonest mate, their score would show up on their report and we could save ourselves the wasted time of that pursuit. There are a lot of really good men and women out there who have a stunning 800 score, just waiting on a qualified mate. Once pre-approved, those dating circles would be free to explore possible love connections without the looming possibility of a derogatory applicant.

Many men and women are walking around thinking that they have better scores than they do. Wondering why they can’t find that good man, or end up with that special woman. If you have 3 kids with 3 different people, have had more one night stands than dollars in your savings account, or have ever prided yourself on the creative ways you have cheated…welcome to the 400 club.

However, if you have been faithful, honest, and always managed to give your all but still find yourself with questionable mates…then your score also has derogatory reports due to your lack of running proper checks. That’s right, accepting bad checks or approving faulty loans brings your number down as well. Be responsible.

Some of you out there are good on paper. You may have a ding or two on your report, but roll with a strong 680. You all need to be patient. Don’t settle for a 400 with a consigner. Keep doing what you’re doing, screen applicants, and find a comparable score that you can build with.

For you 400’s out there…be happy with what you get. No you don’t deserve better. This isn’t, “A Cold Cup Of Coffee” installment, but let’s keep it 100. Your lack of good decision making has put you where you are. No bailouts or relationship section 8’s. Stay in your lane until you prove that you can handle a mature, responsible, adult relationship. Bad decisions in your 20’s can make for difficulties in your 30’s, so be careful. 7 years can be a long time when we’re talking about love.

I know this will never be implemented, but why not. You need to be approved for a cell phone, but anyone can get married. I’m just saying.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if the next time you’re approached with “what’s your number?” You could simply smile and reply…

“Show me yours and I’ll show you mine.”

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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Playing Your Position

This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we're looking at,"playing your position."

This post was inspired by my last trip to the infamous barber shop. Like any other barber shop in America, it was filled with men spouting off about their favorite sports team, how much they hate their job, and of course...women.

What seemed to be an overwhelming issue, (in their opinion) was the increasing problem of women not playing their position. Meaning, women are not fulfilling their roles within the relationship. Now before you jump to the whole; cooking, cleaning, sex argument, just read first.

There are a lot of men that subscribe to the idea that most of their relationship issues, arguments, and problems, stem from women not playing their position, or their role. Commonly said was "she wants to run everything", or "argue every point", or "she wants to restrict or parent him". All things that challenge his place and role. Leaving her to neglect her duties as a supporter, comforter, and partner.

Originally I wanted to slap them for having such a "feminine" argument, but I decided to continue to listen. I personally was unaware of this popular view. So being the instigator that I am, I began to pose questions.

One after another, my questions of "what is she doing wrong and how?" were returned with adamant responses.

"She doesn't listen", "she wants to be the boss", "she's never happy", all the way to, "she just won't shut up". These ladies' inability to follow his playbook makes them un-coachable.

Now it's time to sit at the counter and swallow this cold cup of truth; ladies...they are right.

A lot of you women don't know how to play your position. You don't know how to let a man be a man. You want to fight him on everything, have little power struggles, and dictate his behavior. You don't know how to listen, or when to shut up. Along with spending so much time telling him what he's not doing, or doing wrong, you're neglecting your own duties. As archaic as it may sound, there are gender roles.

Ladies, many of you need to learn to allow your man to lead. No man wants a woman that's always going to challenge him. We look for partners, teammates...not relationship rivals. Many of you need to learn to follow HIS playbook. Not your ex-boyfriend's, ex-husband's, or baby daddy's. Remember what team you play for NOW. Understand that you might have to adjust your behavior to him.

Before any of you go off on, "a real man can handle a strong woman", yes he can. But sometimes true strength comes in restraint. You don't always have to win. Sometimes you sacrifice a win the war.

Which brings me to you gentlemen...a lot of you believe your woman is un-coachable, when really, you don't know how to coach.

What player wants to follow the playbook of a winless coach? If you're stuff isn't together, how can you expect her to just concede to the idea that you know best? True, women will test us...usually to see how we respond, how much we'll tolerate. Since women seek out providers, they need to know we're capable. If she's always questioning you, then you're not supplying adequate answers.

We as men need to be grounded and secure within ourselves. Approaching a relationship should be viewed like building a boat. You don't invite another person on, until you've proven that it can support you.

Women are news flash. They are at times; emotional, sensitive, illogical, irrational human beings. If you want the title and role of being the leader, understand and adjust for that. Just as women need to not always be right, we need to worry about that even less. As crazy to us as it sounds, women equate arguing to concern. We have to care to argue. So most of the time the subject doesn't even matter, it's about the I said, crazy.

That need to keep talking, or pushing your buttons is all about attention. So sometimes we need to come out of the garage, come home early, or shut off the Playstation. Your role as leader, is knowing the needs of those you lead.

None of these issues are new, men just feel they have a license to whine more these days. Suck it up. Gender roles have never favored male sensitivity. You can't have it both ways. Whining and complaining are in HER playbook, not yours. So men, stay in your lane, play your position...and line me up.

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