Wednesday, August 11, 2010

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Playing Your Position

This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we're looking at,"playing your position."

This post was inspired by my last trip to the infamous barber shop. Like any other barber shop in America, it was filled with men spouting off about their favorite sports team, how much they hate their job, and of course...women.

What seemed to be an overwhelming issue, (in their opinion) was the increasing problem of women not playing their position. Meaning, women are not fulfilling their roles within the relationship. Now before you jump to the whole; cooking, cleaning, sex argument, just read first.

There are a lot of men that subscribe to the idea that most of their relationship issues, arguments, and problems, stem from women not playing their position, or their role. Commonly said was "she wants to run everything", or "argue every point", or "she wants to restrict or parent him". All things that challenge his place and role. Leaving her to neglect her duties as a supporter, comforter, and partner.

Originally I wanted to slap them for having such a "feminine" argument, but I decided to continue to listen. I personally was unaware of this popular view. So being the instigator that I am, I began to pose questions.

One after another, my questions of "what is she doing wrong and how?" were returned with adamant responses.

"She doesn't listen", "she wants to be the boss", "she's never happy", all the way to, "she just won't shut up". These ladies' inability to follow his playbook makes them un-coachable.

Now it's time to sit at the counter and swallow this cold cup of truth; ladies...they are right.

A lot of you women don't know how to play your position. You don't know how to let a man be a man. You want to fight him on everything, have little power struggles, and dictate his behavior. You don't know how to listen, or when to shut up. Along with spending so much time telling him what he's not doing, or doing wrong, you're neglecting your own duties. As archaic as it may sound, there are gender roles.

Ladies, many of you need to learn to allow your man to lead. No man wants a woman that's always going to challenge him. We look for partners, teammates...not relationship rivals. Many of you need to learn to follow HIS playbook. Not your ex-boyfriend's, ex-husband's, or baby daddy's. Remember what team you play for NOW. Understand that you might have to adjust your behavior to him.

Before any of you go off on, "a real man can handle a strong woman", yes he can. But sometimes true strength comes in restraint. You don't always have to win. Sometimes you sacrifice a win the war.

Which brings me to you gentlemen...a lot of you believe your woman is un-coachable, when really, you don't know how to coach.

What player wants to follow the playbook of a winless coach? If you're stuff isn't together, how can you expect her to just concede to the idea that you know best? True, women will test us...usually to see how we respond, how much we'll tolerate. Since women seek out providers, they need to know we're capable. If she's always questioning you, then you're not supplying adequate answers.

We as men need to be grounded and secure within ourselves. Approaching a relationship should be viewed like building a boat. You don't invite another person on, until you've proven that it can support you.

Women are news flash. They are at times; emotional, sensitive, illogical, irrational human beings. If you want the title and role of being the leader, understand and adjust for that. Just as women need to not always be right, we need to worry about that even less. As crazy to us as it sounds, women equate arguing to concern. We have to care to argue. So most of the time the subject doesn't even matter, it's about the I said, crazy.

That need to keep talking, or pushing your buttons is all about attention. So sometimes we need to come out of the garage, come home early, or shut off the Playstation. Your role as leader, is knowing the needs of those you lead.

None of these issues are new, men just feel they have a license to whine more these days. Suck it up. Gender roles have never favored male sensitivity. You can't have it both ways. Whining and complaining are in HER playbook, not yours. So men, stay in your lane, play your position...and line me up.

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