Sunday, September 12, 2010

Let's Do It...Again

The Godfather Part II, Return of the Jedi, even Bad Boys II, all showed us that sequels can be great. The idea of returning back to something that was or wasn’t good, can be successful. This happens in movies, what also happens in movies is this idea of revisiting and reviving past relationships.

That’s right…we’re all familiar with, “The second time around”. The practice of trying a relationship again, usually ending with the same results. We start thinking about a past love, often after a newly failed relationship, and start wondering…

Wondering about, what could have been? If we only knew then what we know now? Only we do. So we convince ourselves that we’ve figured out where we went wrong the first time. We’ve cracked the code. The other person’s mistakes and our own past issues fade into the background as we start this comeback campaign.

We become so enveloped with the idea of a relationship resurrection that we even manage to convince the other person to give it a try. Now let me first say; I completely understand, the comfort, security, and familiarity that comes with a previous relationship. This is someone we know. Their faults, tendencies, even what makes them smile…we know them. That’s a very safe place to be.

With all of our previous knowledge, we can maneuver through this new/old thing with confidence. Heading off potential arguments at the pass, avoiding the trouble zones, meanwhile keeping with newly inspired passion, we find ourselves wondering why we ever broke up in the first place. This is perfect. Break up? What were we thinking?

Oh, that’s right. Let me say that people can change with time. Some life altering events can happen giving them a new understanding and outlook on life. It is possible…that being said…

It’s really just a matter of time before WE come back. Yes WE. The real them, the real us, it was a matter of time. (See “The Frog and the Scorpion”) When we start hearing familiar phrases, having familiar arguments, having familiar feelings, we start remembering. As much as we would like to, we don’t forget. Therefore we never truly get or give a fresh start. All of the old feelings begin to resurface. You know; the anger, frustration, and the ever popular… lack of trust.

We also have eliminated the fear factor. In relationships, we to a degree, have a fear of them leaving us or it not working out. When you revisit a relationship you’ve proven that there can be another chance. It creates a kind of behavioral safety net. Which leads to a degree of “gray area” in decision making.

Let me say that in no way do I have issue with any two people that want to try again. Coming from divorced parents I truly can understand that wanting, to make something work. In the same breath I also know that divorcing was the best thing my parents could have done, for their own happiness. It’s real easy to forget why we break up, especially if our current situation isn’t the best. I even understand the whole “bad timing” thing, right person, wrong time. We just need to be honest about, why? Is this more about them or us? Are we out of fresh prospects and are just “recycling” or is it truly about a lost love?

It’s perfectly alright to see the same person again, as long as you don’t expect a different result. (The definition of insanity) Sequels can be good, but never better than the original. If it didn’t work the first time, it’s pretty safe to say that will be the outcome again. We are who we are, and do what we do…and an ex, is an ex for a reason.

So before we think about dialing that old number, sending that text or Facebook finding, all trying to re-create that magic…we should just sit back…close our eyes, and remember…”Crank 2”.

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