Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Unlucky Horseshoe

“If you find a penny pick it up, and all the day you’ll have good luck.” We’re all familiar with some sort of good luck charm. If not the old “lucky penny”, maybe it’s a rabbit’s foot or even a four leaf clover. Let us not forget the ever popular, horseshoe.

Most of my life I’ve associated the horseshoe with being lucky, however it’s been brought to my attention…I’ve been wrong. A shock I know, I’ve got such a great track record. It would seem that the horseshoe falls a little closer to the black cat, than the old rabbit’s paw.

First of all let me clear up what we’re talking about. I don’t mean horseshoe like Mr. Ed, or the Indianapolis Colts, I mean horse shoe like George Jefferson. Yes, we’re talking male pattern baldness. Not the sleek look of a freshly shaven Michael Jordan, this is about the hair hanger-on’ s of a George Costanza. You know, nothing on top but fur on the sides. Kind of like a scarf for your ears and neck.

It seems that bald “is” beautiful, but a comb over gets no love. In what started as an off based conversation, a deep discussion was formed. It seems that women give no pass for the horseshoe. Responses like “he needs to shave that off”, “oh hell no”, and “never”, were commonly used when asked about the probability of hooking up with a follically challenged man. This intrigued me so much that I had to dig deeper. So let’s get down to the scalp.

When presented with the option, nearly every woman asked, would choose a man 20lbs over weight before choosing a receding hairline. The same applied for 30lbs, 40lbs, even 50lbs. It seems that Fat Albert would beat Mr. Spacely any day of the week. I never realized that there was such importance on a man’s hair. Who would have thunk it? But then again, where would George Clooney be if he suddenly developed a 5-head? Would Will Smith still seem so Hitch-ish, rocking a Sherman Hemsley?

I went a step further and threw in, “what about just balding on top?” It seems that “could” be acceptable, given the man is tall enough.

It amazes me that women; the same creatures that will accept a man that is unemployed, cheats, drinks, is abusive, and neglectful, have zero tolerance for a man sporting a “Mr. Burns”. Glad to see where you all draw the line…

This isn’t a deep “moment”, just something I felt like sharing. Guess that horseshoe isn’t so lucky after all. Well guys, according to the ladies out there, if you find a penny…save it…and buy some Rogaine.

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