Thursday, January 20, 2011

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Cheating

This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we're looking at, Cheating.

Love, exciting and new…no this isn’t a trip on the Love Boat, but it feels like it. The anticipation, excitement , and just pure happiness that comes with an all new romantic experience. We find someone, and suddenly we have a new perspective on life and the world around us. We didn’t know it could be like this!

Then, just as quickly as it came, it’s destroyed in a flash. Infidelity, that s.o.b, rears its ugly head. Cheating, but why?

Everything was so good, so perfect, we just can’t understand it.

First of all, anyone can get cheated on at anytime. (If you’re shouting “not me” at the screen right now, you’re probably getting cheated on as we speak) No one is exempt. No one immune. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich, gorgeous, famous, funny, whatever, everyone of us can get burned. Everyone! This means you…

This isn’t a debate about who cheats more between men and women. This is more of looking at the reasons, why? Let’s just say for today, that men and women cheat at the exact same rate. This “Cold Cup of Coffee” is going to open some eyes, hurt some feelings, and hopefully learn you something.

First of all, women, you need time, love, affection, patience, understanding, a moderate level of coaching, laughter, romance, compliments, etc. What that really means is…everything. As much as you may say you don’t, you do. Find a happy woman in a relationship right now and ask her, “What is it that your man does for you that makes him so great?” You know what her response is, “everything!”

Everything? Setting the bar a little high here don’t you think ladies? You know what a man’s response to that question is..? “She cooks.” Probably with a side of, “she’s freaky”, “she buys me things”, or “she doesn’t trip much”. See the difference? With such a wide discrepancy it would only make sense that our reasons for straying would be so different as well.

A woman cheats because she is unfulfilled, usually in one to two areas. Her man can pay the bills, treat her nice, be great to the kids and she would cheat on him with a man that’s funnier. I knew a woman that had a man that was ideal on paper, but he didn’t dance. She wanted him to take her dancing and he refused because it embarrassed him. She ended up cheating on him with a guy at the club because he was getting his Usher on, really? Her husband was honest, loyal and loving and he got burned because he couldn’t get jiggy wit it?

Sad to say, but far too often "Mr. Saturday Night" trumps "Mr. Monday Morning".

When you have so many bases as a man to cover, it can be difficult to maintain. Oh yes I’ve heard the most ridiculous, semi-retarded reasons for cheating by a woman. “My man’s boring”, I guess the thrill of him paying the mortgage every month isn’t enough? “He doesn’t give me enough compliments”, look, if your man comes home to you every night, is there for you and faithful…there’s your compliment.

You ladies kill me, cheating on your man because he doesn’t know any good jokes. Hooking up with a stranger claiming that mess, “but he makes me laugh”, meanwhile your husband has been working all day to support you…that’s real funny.

What’s even funnier is, you women cheat on the good men, but will stand by faithfully to the sorry ones. The guy who’s been out of work since the last season of Seinfeld, gets your full and undying love.

Men, knowing that your woman, every woman, needs everything, you have to be prepared to be called upon to do it. Understand that yes being told to juggle 15 balls sounds insane, but so what? Relationships weren’t designed or engineered for us. If that was the case, every man would have 20 rotating women that changed with the weather and the NBA, NFL schedule. So suck it up, if you want a faithful woman, in-house and meals on the regular…get to juggling. Keep it together, for every ball you drop, that’s two she’s picking up.

Keeping it real, some of you women aren’t worth the trouble. Men you need to do your homework and your research. Get your scouting report together and find out her score. (see “Player Player” and “What’s Your Number?”)

We men typically don’t require much. Food, sex, and silence are pretty much the standard man’s needs. Everything over that are bonus points. Cold thing about that though, doing excessive things for a man is like taking too many vitamins, it doesn’t do anymore good and it really just gets pissed away.

Other side to that is, by needing so little, men don’t usually have that feeling of, “I’ll never find another one like her.” There’s a certain degree of freedom and relaxed attitude when dealing with low expectations. Taking us to the age old question, “why do men cheat?” This will shock some and confirm the opinions of others. Take a nice, long, cold sip of this reality. A man’s reason for cheating…(as all of the ladies get closer to the screen) there isn’t one.

Let me give you a second to take that in and swish it around, don’t worry, I’ll wait…

Ladies, your man will cheat on you for absolutely no reason at all. You can be attractive, rich, funny, treat him like a king, it doesn’t matter. She can be overweight, unattractive, dirt poor, not even a good person…it doesn’t matter. Men are like goldfish, you can feed them all day and they’ll eat until they die, just because it’s there. For the same reason men climbed Everest, he’ll sleep with someone else. Cold isn’t it? I said this was going to hurt a few feelings.

Now don’t think this gives you a pass to slack as a mate. Just as quickly as he’ll cheat for no reason, he’ll be gone even faster if you give him one.

Here’s the rainbow after the storm ladies, the key is to not stress on why he will, it’s about giving him reasons not too. We all have tendencies, but we weigh out the consequences before acting. Some of you ladies have figured this out, and have come up with creative deterrents.

Some of you have chosen crazy; yes your man is willing to and may have cheated, but that pencil permanently lodged into his rib cage serves as a constant reminder to make better decisions.

Some of you give him so much he doesn’t have time; random acts, in peculiar places can keep his interest longer. Now this isn’t a lock, remember what I said about excess, but it can sway his decision if he’s on the fence.

An often overlooked one; peace and quiet. If your man has been out working all day, dealing with the stresses and b.s. of life, the last thing he wants to do is come home to conflict. Make him feel like home is a place where he can be comfortable. Fill the house with drama...and good luck. You women can either give him a reason to come home or stay away.

The most infamous…stalking. If he’s there, you’re there, maybe on his arm, maybe hiding in the bushes. This is not recommended, yes you may prevent him from cheating, but if you have to go to such lengths, you might just want to find someone else.

Ladies, please don’t get discouraged. This isn’t saying that your man “will” cheat, just that if he does, it’s really about him and not you. Sex is different for men than women. All those emotions and hormones, those feelings of closeness and a connection you women get...we don't have them. To a man, sex is as much a physical act as jumping rope. I'm not devaluing the experience, i'm just letting you know.

True a man doesn’t need a reason, but some are more likely to stray than others. Be selective in choosing a mate. This can weed out a lot of “high risk” relationships. After that, simply love him, trust him, and believe in him, there’s not much more you can do.

Gentlemen if she cheats, it’s pretty safe to say you dropped the ball somewhere. Cheating women typically aren't looking for replacements, more like supplements.

Humans are flawed creatures, we make mistakes. When it happens, the key is to learn from it and not repeat it. I’m not here to taint love, I’m here to bring some real life to the fantasy. Love is exciting and new, enjoy the ride. This is just designed to be a life jacket in case your Love Boat turns into the Titanic.

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1 comment:

  1. You have always had a accurate assessment on how people REALLY on Jermaine!