Friday, February 4, 2011

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Hoes

This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we're looking at,”Hoes”.

Oh you knew this was coming! Now let me first say that this isn’t a knock to those promiscuous folks out there. In fact, some of my best friends are hoes, male and female. I understand that I may lose a few after this though, but I feel this needs to be addressed. I’m not here to judge what grown men or women choose to do. If you’re of age, go on and do your thing, my issue is this denial and deceit.

Now I feel it’s necessary to clear up just exactly what we’re talking about. If you sleep with someone on the first date, that in itself doesn’t make you a hoe…but do it 25 times…you are displaying hoe like behavior. If you’re involved in more than one sexual relationship at a given time…no. In a given day…yes. Even cheating on your significant other doesn’t mean you’re a hoe, though definitely hoe-ish…but if your cheating on the one that you’re cheating on your significant other with…hell yes! Starting to make sense? Luda had it right, “You’re doing hoe activities, with hoe tendencies. Hoes are your friends, hoes are your enemies.”

Why hoes? Why now? Well, I overheard these women speaking poorly on NBA, NFL, and MLB players, saying that they’re all hoes and cheaters. Then one asked me as if to confirm her belief. True, many travelers of any profession do have a tendency to stray, but not all. But that wasn’t even my point. They went on to stress how men are unfaithful hoes and can’t stay loyal. I think what really rubbed me the wrong way was that I knew “their” history. Being the little antagonist I am, I had to engage them. My first point was that even though many of these men were cheating, most were not cheating with single women.

That’s right. Many of these ladies that these players cheat with are in relationships or at least sleeping with someone else themselves. Hoes of a feather.

They didn’t take kindly to that. (I think I struck a nerve) I then continued to point out that a free and single 22 year old sleeping with five people was less of a hoe than a 35 year old parent sleeping with three. There is a degree of leniency granted to youth and immaturity that is not given to age and experience. (Once again, another nerve)

They wanted to keep playing the gender card where I was keeping it level. Though society will judge the genders differently (see “Wishing On A Star”) I gave no pass to either sex. Hoes are not gender specific. I didn’t want to have the anthropological arguments (men are genetically inclined to cheat) or the psychological (women use sex to feel close and connected) so I fast forwarded to the end all guage, a hoe-rometer, if you will.

The diner is open and pouring all night. Come get a cup.

Ladies and gentlemen this is about to hurt some feelings and make a few of you question your lives and decisions. Have a seat and really marinate on this sip of reality. If you’ve ever questioned if you or someone you know/love is in fact truly a hoe, here’s the test.

If your number of sexual partners…exceeds your age…you are a hoe. I know some of you need to do some math real quick, don’t worry I’ll wait…

Now a few of you just got that queezy feeling in your stomach, and some of you just got angry. If you’re one of the ones that are mad, ask yourself why? What that ratio means is that you had 14,15,16, however many years old you were when you had sex for the first time as a numerical buffer. If you burned through 15 in 3 summers, then you probably “burned” a few people too. There are a whole lot of genitals out there with expired warranties, due to high mileage at a very young age. Some of you have to sit the bench and take yourselves out of the game for a decade or two just to get square with the house. Shoot some of you just to need to get married and retire.

Like I said, this isn’t a judgement, this is strictly for clarification. If you fall victim to this “new math” it just means you are no longer qualified to take the moral high ground when referring to someone else’s actions. (At this point the ladies had become silent) You might have expected me to take a different stance on this, but really I believe that everyone is free to be themselves, just know that it comes with consequences. Reputation possibly being one of those things. Like many, the high ground isn’t a path I can walk either. I too have some ratio issues. (I told you some of my best friends are hoes) Hoes of a feather. That being said, I do still consider myself a good and responsible person.

If you find yourself calling others out regularly for hoe-ish behavior, you might want to look at why you’re surrounded by all of these hoes. (Hoes are your friends, hoes are your enemies) As men and women we do need to be responsible with our lives and bodies. There are so many diseases, unplanned, and in some cases unwanted babies out there, we need to be careful. I’ll be the first to say that hoes have a very appreciated place in our society, just understand that the decisions we make in the dark do come to light.

I hope this helps to bring an end to all of the name calling and labelling from the promiscuous peanut gallery. Be who you are and claim the life "you" live.

I’m just saying that before we get to finger pointing and calling people out, we might want take that finger and do some tallying ourselves.

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