Monday, February 21, 2011

Hey Now, You're An All Star!

It’s that time again…we’ve just finished this year’s NBA All Star weekend 2011 in Los Angeles. A star studded affair filled with movie stars, rock legends, and of course athletes; all coming out to witness the different contests, challenges, fun and festivities going on in Southern Cali.

And as we know, no celebrity function would be complete without…groupies. You knew they were coming. Women flocked to the City of Angels with one thought and goal…to get drafted. Like “American Idol” they swarmed the streets of LA wearing nothing but their ambition as they showcased their “goods” and tried to be the “one”.

Their sheer will and determination forged them through the wind and rain on their quest to star on next season’s “Basketball Wives”. Trying to upgrade their status from booty call to baby mama, there was no stone or trick unturned.

This whole scenario was funny to me, but what made me shake my head the most, were the men. Now I don’t mean the athletes, actors and whatnot, I mean the male groupies; the men that went to LA solely to chase after the women who were chasing after the stars. Men that had no connections, no money, and not even a place to sleep, made the journey to Los Angeles as if it were Mecca, relying on faith alone to see them through.

Just to be clear, male groupies are the social roaches of the food chain. I give women a pass to a degree, because they are hunting down the social alpha males of our society; rich, successful, prominent men. They may be taking hoe-ish short cuts to get there, but their destination is valid. As for the men…slap yourself!

How good can you possibly feel about yourself knowing that you’re best case scenario is picking up the discarded women of other men? And for the ones that feel like they have just as much to offer…really? Do you think these women care that you played semi-pro football or was first string in the D-league? No, they are looking for superficial status and serious income. Messing with your broke behind would get them kicked out of the Gold Diggers Society, they’d take away their shovels.

Speaking of questionable men, what kills me, are these “professional home boys”. You know them, they went to high school with someone who “made it”, and have been clinging to them ever since. They’re the ones who drive the car, wrangle up the girls, and if lucky, get sloppy seconds. You have nothing to hold your head high about, if your claim to fame is being anyone’s friend. You pick up his laundry, buy his condoms, and wait around to see what drunken mess you can swoop down on like low budget sexual predator.

Speaking of low budget, if you were one of the guys down there trying to faux-floss, you may be one of the worst offenders of all. Taking pictures in front of cars that aren’t yours, standing with women you don’t know in front of places you’ve never been inside just to upgrade your Facebook portfolio doesn’t make you a baller! It makes you pathetic. Slap yourself two times for being fake. Stay in your lane.

I get the appeal of All Star weekend, it’s an opportunity for fans to see celebrities and athletes in a way and environment that they usually wouldn’t. I also know that some of the people that go out are just true fans and want to be a part of the celebrations. But if you’re one of the ladies looking to get drafted or be a new “wife”, understand that you will never be taken seriously in that forum. Regardless of what you do or have accomplished you will only be seen as a party favor.

As for the guys, what’s wrong with you? I understand the need to try to impress and be seen; to be where the action is, even the simple fact of just going where the girls are, but you have to always remember that manhood isn’t negotiable. Pretending to be who/what you’re not, spending your rent money to floss for the weekend for people who don’t care about you anyway is not being a man. It’s childish, immature, and insecure behavior, and no real woman is going to want to be a part of that.

Men remember, these are the same women you see every day. If you’re not willing to go all out for them normally, why do it for a basketball game? If nothing else, be consistent.

Ladies, if you didn’t get picked up this season, fear not…baseball season is right around the corner. You’ve got another chance to squeeze into that tube sock dress, put on the lip gloss, work those heels, break out those shovels and strut! Spring training is in 2 months…pssst…and baseball players make more money.

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