Thursday, June 2, 2011

I Ain't Scared Of You!

“There’s nothing to fear, but fear itself” – Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Fear is something that we all wrestle with, the question is whether or not it pins us? We all have things that we’re afraid of; for some it’s walking in dark parking lots, the thunder, spiders, or sometimes it’s as simple as “trusting”.

We create these scenarios and situations within our minds, fueling them with emotion to the point that we give them life. Our fear becomes an entity of its own, bent on destroying us. Much like beauty, fear is in the eye of the beholder. To the one that is afraid, it is as real as the chair I’m sitting in. But to the outsider, insecurity and irrational actions are all that are seen.

How do we beat fear? How do we come to a place within ourselves that makes us feel safe? Well 1# is identification. Just what are we afraid of? If we’re talking about a 5 year old panicking over the closet door being open at night, simply turning on the light and looking may suffice. However if we’re leaning towards shifty looking characters in the parking lot…never underestimate the power of a stun gun and taekwondo classes. When it comes to things like trust…that’s a little tougher.

Like I said fear is REAL to the afraid. Trying to convince them otherwise is like trying to calm that scared child mid-panic. Making them see and identify what they are truly afraid of can be difficult. As we get older, we pile so much crap on top of what we believe to be true that it’s hard to get to the root. Hard, but necessary. When it comes to relationship based fear, some would rather face the final scene of “Arachnophobia” than deal with why they always find themselves single.

We try to give ourselves false reasons for why we’re afraid. Not being able to open up or trust is a defense mechanism, we’re protecting ourselves. It may have been put into place as a necessity at one time, but now it’s simply habit. To hold on to that habit we will lie to ourselves every which way to Sunday to avoid that original feeling of pain. The idea of holding on to that fear and habit however has a major flaw…we’re not the same person prior to the pain as we are after it.

That experience forever alters our perception of the situation. We can never go back to innocence. But instead of identifying, we go “turtle in the shell”. We close up and refuse to see what’s going on. Our only focus becomes pain prevention. We need not go into panic mode/pain management. The key here isn’t to pull up the drawbridge and lock down the castle, it is to identify the threat and deal with it individually.

Pain in relationships can scar in ways we can’t imagine. Some of our hearts get hurt in the way of a skinned knee, while others go through the entire series of “SAW” movies. In the end it is up to us to heal and identify the dangers…not to be afraid.

Those fears not only keep out the bad, they prevent the entrance of the good.

Nothing to fear but fear itself? Guess there’s nothing to be afraid of.

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  1. I just spent 30 mins. Writing a response n accidently hit the back button on my phone erasing my mile long comment. Abridge version. 
    Fear is a useless self defense mechanism in regards to insecurity of ones self belief or lack of preparation. I define fear as evolution of perception, based on influences by driving social & psychological forces in ones life. Fear is a cancer that prolongs education, growth of life experiences and the ability to relate/communicate.
    Side note: preventable confliction in communication is soley based on the understanding that no one is right or wrong, at least within the given confines of our governing laws, we are raised in different social circles that influence how we think. My distinction of elements is based on how I was raised. The acceptance of other "worldly" views not only increases communication but will also make life less stressful bc there are less means for conflict. I can not say your opinion or your inturpretation of life is wrong bc I'm not you and vice versa. We can only share experiences, ideas in hopes that one grasps the smallest bit to influence and change their opinion. Newayz...
    Two combine both of these in an example:
    I feared letting people in my life and I selected specifically who I had in my life because:
    1. I could control it.
    2. It wasn't threatening to my "being"
    3. I was afraid (fear) of what people thought.
    One day I was like fuck it...I'm going to make myself vulnerable.
    I had three rules which I've followed since: Be honest, be sincere and do not form perceptions until u have a basis to have 1.
    Just this change alone has helped me overcome my worst fear: what others think of me. Now I could careless...Why b/c I realize my whole life of trying to make people happy was a bunch of bull (in a way). The nice guy finishes last is true. Metaphor: I don't eat until everyone else eats. Well what's the chance of you eating when there's 40 people at the table and 5 small dishes that only feeds 5. Realization is a bitch. Do u starve to death or get your piece of the pie? Fucking Kik in the door and get some food! If you don't like me then I could really care less, y bc it's a waste of my time and energy. But if u want to converse with respect to opinions then you've found a friend.
    Don't be afraid of fear bc it just prolongs growth. Making another realize that you respect their opinion, not necessarily agree with it, but respect it goes along way.

  2. Thank you so much for all of your insight and personal experiences.