I have recently addressed the importance of fathers in a child’s life (see “Father Knows…”). There is no substitution for what a male brings into the world of a young boy or girl. Today is Father’s Day, and already there is this overwhelming trend that needs to be acknowledged and eradicated. What trend? Women claiming Father’s Day! The nerve….
First of all, I applaud each and every woman out there who is doing what she needs to do to raise her children, with or without a man. You are sticking to your responsibilities and giving your all to make this world a safe and better existence for the child/children you helped to bring into it. I would never try to take anything away from what you do. On that note…
Women, you don’t get Father’s Day! What you do makes you a phenomenal “Mother”, but not a “Father”. I have already encountered multiple examples this morning alone, where women claim to be the mother and the father. No you’re not! Look, there is no substitute for a mother or father. You can take on more responsibility because you are going at it alone, but understand that the role is filled visually.
The male blueprint is sketched from the “man” in your child’s life. If not their biological father, a child will mentally and emotionally associate that position with the next male they have experiences with. Now I know some of you ladies out there won’t appreciate this; boys that grow up without that “male” father figure will grow up to be incomplete men and girls will grow up with an emotional void. You want applause for what will hinder them later.
Normally I reserve this kind of tough love for “A Cold Cup Of Coffee”…ladies take a deep breath, and relax before reading this next part…I’ll wait…
The reason why you can’t claim the glory for taking on the task of a duel role is simply because you chose the loser in the first place! That’s right you should have checked out his relationship credit score. (see “What’s Your Number”) Take responsibility for the fact that you hand-picked the man that abandoned you. In a sea of potential hopefuls, you threw “snake eyes”. With the exception of death, all of you women out there doing it alone have to understand that you didn’t make the ultimate sacrifice…you f’d up in the man picking department and are now playing catch up. Raising your children alone makes you a strong woman, but in the words of the great Maury Povich, “You are not the father!”
Please erase the idea that you can completely raise a child alone. You can make the best of the situation as a single parent however the child will grow up with some issues that will plague their adult life. Trust, abandonment, self-esteem, & intimacy issues are found to be directly linked to children of single parent households.
To the single mothers out there I respect you for what you do, let’s just keep this in perspective. Today is Father’s Day. Let the men who are doing it day in and day out have their turn. Give them their props. Ladies you get Mother’s Day, a day filled with flowers, spa treatments, cards and jewelry. Let him have his hugs and the newspaper.
For the men that miss out on the opportunity of seeing what greatness their creations can create; that will be your cross to bear later in life. Children grow up, and more often than not they seek out the parent that wasn’t there. Usually the conversation you don’t want to have with their mother now far beats the conversation your child will want to have with you later. If you can’t love her, love yourself enough to man up to your responsibilities.
Ladies, today is about playing your position. If your child wants to call their father today…let them. If the dude who hasn’t been around for a minute is trying to get back in the game…let him. If the guy is suspect, the child will learn and see it. You don’t want your child to have one parent.
Much love and respect to the hard working ladies out there and for you 24/7 daddies…
Happy Father’s Day.
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