Thursday, December 8, 2011

To All The Girls I've Loved Before...

During the course of my life I have been fortunate to have known and loved some pretty amazing women. They all brought something into my life that I continue to carry with me to this day, no nothing that requires ointment…a better sense of me and who I am.

It has been said that, “you can judge a man by his woman.” Who he chooses to be with and how he treats her is really a good indicator of how he sees and treats himself. I agree with this. If a man finds a woman that for all intensive purposes is worthless and treats him poorly he obviously doesn’t think that highly of himself. The same could be said for a man that has a good woman yet drastically under-values his mate and is not kind to her.

Honestly, I’ve done both; I’ve dated and walked away from women most men would kill for, as I have pursued women that weren’t worth the piece of paper their number was written on. Crazy as it seemed at times, all of those experiences were necessary for me. It was part of my maturation process, my development into a man. It’s how I learned the difference between good and bad women…and this world has plenty of both.

Before any of you women start with the, “what about good and bad men?” Save it. We’re talking about you today.

That’s right; we’re talking about you devoted, honest, loving, committed, nurturing, passionate, deranged, psychotic, petty, vindictive, evil, crazy women…every last one of you.

“A man doesn’t know who he is until he figures out what kind of woman he wants, or if he even wants one at all.” True, we as men decide if we’re going to focus on ourselves and put relationships on the back burner, if we’re going to pursue the life of a family man or if we’re just going to hoe it up and see what happens. In any event our plan is based around a woman. Ladies do you see how influential you are to a man’s world? All of the talk you hear about having strength and being the center of the universe is true. You are not only the deciding factor but the equation to a man’s existence.

With that, a lot of you are messing up the game right now! Get your ish together! Stop trying to live the real life version of “America’s Next Real Baby-Mama of Atlanta for the Love of Basketball”! Yes you ass hanging out, breasts to your neck, pregnant but fighting in the club, 3 baby daddy having, auditioning for Miss World Star Hip Hop 2011, tire slashing, brick throwing, poking holes in the condom to get a baller, uneducated females! You are screwing it up for not only men but yourselves! “Messy” women have always had their place in our society. Whether we called them hoochies, hoes, sluts, loose, ratchets, groupies, stunts or jump offs we properly identified them and made a special place and exception for them. Now women are trying to claim dual roles and that plain doesn’t work.

Women have moved away from the “lady in the streets & a freak in the bed” mentality. Freaks have evolved and don’t just come out at night anymore. Women have a pound of caked on make-up and skin tight clothes like they’re performing in Vegas at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday in Wal-Mart…pushing a stroller! More are trying to claim hoochie liberties and still demand lady respect, in the words of Puff Daddy “eh, eh”. Sorry it doesn’t work that way. If you want us to see you and treat you with respect and class you’ve got to walk the walk, and not in clear heels.

Yes we men will be attracted to you but not on “keeper” status, and you don’t want us to be. As more and more men begin to try to settle down with these hot messes the overall consensus is forming that “this is the best out there”. Men are beginning to work under the belief that these extras from a Ray J video are today’s woman, and women of class and morals don’t exist anymore.

Ladies this is going to require some in-house cleaning. I get it that it’s fun to be sexy and flirty, that having all eyes on you at the club and being the center of male attention puts your self esteem on superstar status, but like any other drug you all have to kick this habit. These young men don’t know the difference between good and bad women. They think these hoes out here are the prototype and it reflects in the way they are and will treat the rest of you. Get these “Nicki Kardashians” under control! Doing the most for the least has never been good business.

Keeping it 100, a man is ultimately held accountable for the woman he chooses. If his wife “smashed the homey” it was his bad for picking her. The problem and why this hurts you is he’ll just see all of you that way and continue to pick bad women. Like a kid that will eat nothing but candy until his teeth rot or a gold fish that will eat until it dies, ladies this is another case of where you have to save a man from himself. You need to remove some of the Butterfingers and put some celery in front of him.

It is your responsibility as a unit. We need at least one good girl for every 3 hoes. That’s the ratio. In a group of 4, 3 of you get to work the hoochie spectrum and 1 of you has to hold it down for good women. Figure out which one you are and pick your friends accordingly!

I say this to you because I know there is a wide range of amazing women out there. I know so many of you are beautiful, intelligent, amazing creatures, but I’m not the one that needs the convincing. Men are losing faith in you. A man NEEDS his woman in his eyes to be greater than himself. He has to look at her as his motivation and his reason to try harder. We don’t see or do that for women we don’t respect. Similar to the armed forces, we’re looking for a few good women. Ladies we need more of you enlisting to fight this war against the devaluing of women and the increase in male Bitchassness. This war cannot be fought from the sidelines. We need you to be the designated drivers, the cock blockers, the prudes, the mothers, the haters, the good friends…the future. You maintain the balance. We can win this.

To all the women currently taking one for the team…

And to all the girls I’ve loved before…

Thank you.

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  1. See my blog for rebuttle.

    It's on my dear cousin! Time for that female point of view.

    "Love you"


  2. Written as a response to this post on ""

    "So, I have this cousin who writes a pretty amazing blog and for the most part, I can agree with some of his viewpoint and commentary, but I find it increasingly one-sided when it comes to his view of women and the constant "education" he deems necessary to impart to us, so with love and some fun, but definitely a much needed "female" perspective, I have to rebuke his last entry of the compliment encased in an insult of our character and say to that idea of "All The Women I've Loved Before" -Dude, what's up with that?

    Question: Just where are you (men) meeting these so called "Kim Khardasian-baby daddy-hoes in heels-pregnant but fighting in clubs-types anyway? Stop looking for Mrs. Right at the Saddle Rock-A-Go-Go or the club-on-the-corner-juke-joint or Hoes-B-Herr type places! Perhaps a man needs to step up his stake out point if he wants a woman who is a what did you say, Lady by day and a Freak at night? (Whatever.....).

    I can honestly say that the women I've known (and I've known MANY) have always been sexy and classy when going out (I include myself in that group) and the types of venues we have frequented have been upscale, so perhaps if a man is looking for a "good" woman -that man may want to try going places and becoming involved in activities where a "good" woman is more likely to be.

    Men should take moment to look long and hard in the mirror. What is reflected is what is attracted. Stop looking to women to be the saviour and conscience. Men should ask themselves, what do I bring to the table? What responsibility do I have for putting myself out there in a way that attracts the right kind of women for settling down.

    I didn't find my husband nor did he find me at any club on the corner. When I was ready for a serious relationship, I made room in my life for commitment and set my circumstances in a way to "receive" what I needed and was looking for in a man. This was my responsibility. I did not look to man to do things differently to meet my needs. I found the person who met my needs by being the type of woman who could reflect those same qualities back!

    So, to All The Women I've Loved Before, when men are ready to settle down for some serious relationship discussion -drop a sista a line and let the many well traveled, highly educated, talented, sexy and mature women, school you on a few tips as to the kind of man you need to be to "receive" just such a woman."

  3. A comment left on

    "GOOD GOD!! Love this! You. will. see. me. using this quote (and a few others): “You can judge a man by his woman. Who he chooses to be with and how he treats her is really a good indicator of how he sees and treats himself." WOW! Always love hearing a man's perspective... And "#rachets" though.... Veronica"

  4. Comment from Facebook:
    "I personally don't look for love and never have. Love will find you! We need more independent woman in this world!"