Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Struggle You Save...

“The more things change, the more they stay the same…”

Kids playing baseball in the street, riding bikes (to the end of the block), hopscotch, double dutch, red light green light, freeze tag, depending on your age this seems more or less a part of your childhood. Then again maybe you came from the X Box, Playstation, era. In any event, I’m talking about childhood.

That period of life where we grew up making our own friends, discovering who we were outside of just being someone’s child or sibling. This is when our individual personalities developed. Maybe we were leaders amongst our peers…or just wanted to be. Maybe we were the fastest or the strongest, possibly the shy or funny one. How we were on the playground in those early years helped to shape the men and women we grew to be. Some of those habits we developed then carried over into adulthood…good and bad.

Recently I was listening to old songs from the Motown era and one came on that stood out to me. Now Motown was home of a lot of great artists; Stevie Wonder, Smokey Robinson, Diana Ross & more. This song that jumped out at me was done by the Jackson 5. Yes Michael long before he was ’Moon walking” with “the glove” & the headlines that would follow.

He was a young boy on stage with his brothers singing grown lyrics from a young perspective. The song was, ‘The Love You Save”. I actually listened to the words of this song and couldn’t believe how many people I know that it applies to. Let’s take it back…

“When we played tag in grade school
You wanted to be it.
But chasing boys was just a fad
You crossed your heart you'd quit.

When we grew up you traded
Your promise for my ring
Now just like back to grade school
You're doing the same old thing!

Stop! The love you save may be your own!
Darling, take it slow
Or some day you'll be all alone.
You'd better stop the love you save may be your own!
Darling, look both ways before you cross me
You're headed for the danger zone.”

Now this part had me listening. We all know (or maybe your are) the girls that are all about the “Chase”. Playing “catch & release” with boys affections. The little girls that love being the flower amongst a swarm of bees. As fun as it may be in the beginning there are definite repercussions.

“I’m the one who loves you!
I’m the one you need!
Those other guys will put you down
As soon as they succeed!
They'll ruin your reputation!
They'll label you a flirt!
The way they talk about you
They'll turn your name to dirt”

The funny thing about boys (men too) is the ego is first. A lot of things said to get her “affection” have more to do with him than her. That being said, guys will lie either way, to get what they want or about what they didn’t get. If she does he’s giving exaggerated details, if she doesn’t he’s giving Shakesperean fiction.

“Isaac said he kissed you
Beneath the apple tree
When Benji held your hand he felt E-lec-tri-ci-tee!
When Alexander called you
He said he rang your chimes.
Christopher discovered
You're way ahead of your time!”

My point…ladies if you’re of age now, the rules still apply. Just as grown men can huddle around a video game for hours at 30 years old, we still hold on to some of our childhood behaviors. True we mature in many ways but our ego is still a recognized shot caller! That’s why it’s so important to distinguish the difference between the man that will EARN your attention vs. the boy who wants you to GIVE him you’re “affection”.

“S is for "Save it"
T is for "Take it slow"
O is for "Oh, no!"
P is for "Please, please, don't go!"

This moment is dedicate to the young ladies that easily learned their ABC’s but had to learn the hard way when it came to B-O-Y-S. Please understand that this song narrates the birth of a Side Chick & is the back story to “16 & Pregnant”. This is how you end up with 15 year old daughters letting all the little boys at school "know what that mouth do". Best case it’s Chapter 1 of “The Relationship Struggle Life Handbook”. Ladies it is so important that these little girls know that until they're of age to truly deal with a male and all that comes with it their vagina needs to be treated like a T bone steak and those little boys a pack of starving wolves. Just as you wouldn't tempt the wolves by dangling the steak in front of them, put a pad lock on the box.

Fathers raise those daughters. You're the first line of defense in the war on Ratchets & Bitchassness. Attention from you will curb a lot of that need for attention from them...and for you ladies trying to live the “Fast Life”…

Stop! The love and the struggle you save may be your own…

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Saturday, November 17, 2012

Looking For Mr. Write

“My perfect man would have…”

Ladies you know this one, this is where you fill in the blanks on his height, weight, occupation, ethnicity, etc. Where you describe him to a tee as if you were talking to a police sketch artist to put out an APB for a M-A-N. This isn’t new. You ladies have been doing this since grade school, describing your “Prince Charming”, but alas…still no “Knight in Shining Armor.”

What went wrong? You knew exactly what you wanted, even memorized the recipe. A bit of Will Smith, with a splash of Johnny Depp. Add some Denzel as you blend in some Channing Tatum & Colin Farrell. The Rock here some Justin there…sprinkle in a little Redford & McQueen…5 star cook, well traveled, large income (but humble), great dancer, amazing sense of humor, with a slight accent, romantic, compassionate yet manly…I mean how hard could it be to find him?

See where this is going? First off there is absolutely nothing wrong with visioning what you want. In fact it’s necessary, the important part is to not get too hung up on Mr. Right or should I say Mr. Write? That well documented list of qualifications you’re looking for. There are a lot of women who believe that there are no good men out there. They themselves are attractive, independent, educated and single but can’t seem to find their male counterpart. He’s either an underachiever and she has to groom and build him up, he’s got his stuff together but wants nothing to do with a committed relationship, isn’t into women or is already taken.

My response…sucks doesn’t it? I know that may not be comforting but there is hope. Today’s relationship marketplace is a “Buyer’s Market”, that means it favors men. We have a little more leverage than in the past, especially if we have our stuff together. With Bitchassness running so rampant these days, a man with his stuff together has an insanely high market value. That leads to an increased amount of competition when it comes to you ladies…but fear not…I’m here to help.

Ladies I need you to understand that compromising is not the same as “settling”. You’re not being asked to take a downgraded degree of happiness, just a realistic approach to finding it. Look, most men are not with their “ideal” woman. (Hurts I know) If you asked him to describe his perfect woman; that 5”10, long legged, big booty, tiny waist, flat stomach, double D’s, pretty face, long haired, lady that cooks like his mama with porn star capabilities is most likely not who is on his arm. But if you turned around and asked him if he was happy and in love with the woman he’s with he’d say yes. What she may not be on paper she is in person. He didn’t “settle” he realized what he needs to be happy & found the right person instead of the other way around.

Where we differ as men and women when it comes to finding the “perfect” person is, women fish with a spear where men fish with dynamite. The women who can’t find that “perfect” man are trying to spear one particular fish in the ocean where men just toss a stick of dynamite in the lake and see what floats closest to the boat. Neither is an exact science but men are usually more open because we find things we didn’t know we’d like or need, keep it if it’s good if not throw it back. Where a lot of women are finding themselves standing alone in the boat…waiting.

Men are simple, we’re ego based. Any woman that falls within our “attractive range” that knows how to keep the urges satisfied and that ego inflated 9 times out of 10 is a keeper. You ladies have much more layers. Ladies this is when it’s time to make a P.I.M.P (Protection, Instruction, Management of Priorities) decision. Understand that you having all of your stuff together will have you viewed as potentially problematic to a lot of men. It’s not about being intimidated, many accomplished women come with a degree of arrogance and no man really wants that. Established or not you still need to play your position and get your ego inflating on. I know this may not seem promising or hopeful for some of you…but such is life.

Just as men realize being a man is rooted in responsibility, for you ladies it’s in your compassion and sacrifice. For some of you it means changing in Colin Farrell for Will or a set of 6 pack abs for a heart that beats for you. For as accomplished as some of you women are, you’re not the best in discerning what’s good and what’s good for you. Being Mr. Write doesn’t make him Mr. Perfect.

Ladies the important part to remember is the love. The ones that typically say they can’t find Mr. Write is because they’re hung up on the story not the message. You need to realize when you have that dragon slaying knight in front of you and not disregard him over something like what brand of sword he uses or what model horse he rides.

If you can do that you stand a much better chance of finding that storybook romance…even if his armor isn’t that shiny.

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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Give Me 10: The 10 Scariest Things You Can Say To A Man

Give me 10: 10 reasons, examples or indicators of a certain behavior. Take the time to use the checklist…you may need to check yourself. Today‘s list:The Top 10 Scariest Things You Can Say To A Man.

#10. “We need to talk…”

#9. “Is she prettier than me?”

#8. “I’m late.”

#7. “Where were you?”

#6. “Have I gained weight?”

#5. “Who was she?”

#4. “I have your test results…”

#3. “I’m pregnant.”

#2. “It’s your baby.”

…and the #1 Scariest Thing You Can Say To A Man…

…Dearly beloved, we’ve gathered here today…”


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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Sweep The Leg...For The Glory Of Love


.

“Wax on, wax off”, “paint the fence”, even “man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything” are all classic quotes from the great 80’s hit movie ‘The Karate Kid”. A tale of a young boy who moves to a new town and school and is bullied by some of the local boys. To make it worse all of the bullies take karate. After a few beat downs the star “Daniel” stands up for himself, just to again get 2-pieced until he is saved by the mysterious Mr. Miyagi. Now we’re all familiar with the story all the way down to the triumphant “crane kick”, how Daniel learned karate, beat the bullies in their own karate tournament, & got the girl. This film was the jump-off to only one good sequel “The Karate Kid II” and several others including a remake that could have just as easily never happened. In the first sequel it was a repeat only instead of Los Angeles Daniel & Mr. Miyagi were in Japan. Once again he was called upon to fight only this time it was for a woman and his life…not a trophy.

Why are we talking about these movies? Is it about overcoming adversity? No. Is it about realizing and tapping into ones true strength? Nope. How about never backing down and standing up for yourself? Uh-uh. Maybe recognizing that a middle-aged man & an awkward teenage boy CAN have a positive, harmless, & appropriate relationship? Wrong again. Why bring these movies up…? The soundtrack! Didn’t see that one coming did you?

Specifically the second film and pretty much one song that crystallized the intent, purpose & passion of the first two films…”The Glory Of Love.”

Stay with me here:

“Sometimes I just forget, say things I might regret,
it breaks my heart to see you crying.
I don't want to lose you,
I could never make it alone.”

Now these lyrics can be found in any sappy love song from R. Kelly to Trey to even Justin. Men crying over a woman is nothing new. In fact it has become so prevalent that it holds little to no value anymore. Women aren’t touched, they see the Bitchassness and realize they truly have the upper hand. It only fuels the “I don’t need a man” fire.

“You keep me standing tall, you help me through it all,
I'm always strong when you're beside me.
I have always needed you,
I could never make it alone.”

Now this part gets a little deeper, acknowledging a woman’s help in getting us through or to where we need to be isn’t as common. Often we walk away from the one that was with us through the rain & the pain to settle down with the one that came with the better situation. Oh yes a tiny waist, double D’s, and weave for days comes standard with the good life, much like leather seats in a Porsche, but like the Porsche that woman is usually not how we arrived there.

Great verses, however this song sticks out to me so much because of the chorus;

“I am a man who would fight for your honor,
I'll be the hero you're dreaming of.
We'll live forever, knowing together
that we did it all for the glory of love.”

…and there’s the kicker! In this era of faux bravado & I hate to use the word, “swag”, this is what’s missing. What happened? What happened to the time when there was zero tolerance for our woman being disrespected, including by us? What happened to defending a woman’s honor, not just by fighting in the streets or club, but simply by not defiling her name with tales of our own exploits? What happened to taking on the monumental task of “whatever it takes” as what we’re willing to do to keep us together? What happened ladies…?

You did! This isn’t “A Cold Cup Of Coffee” edition but we’re getting real ‘round here!

Ladies it was you! You decided that you don’t need us. That you can do anything & everything on your own. You decided that a man is nothing more than an accessory like your purse or earrings. Ladies you decided to wear the pants and the apron too. By taking away these responsibilities from men, you single-gender-handedly put out a hit on chivalry! Is chivalry dead? No, but it is on life support barely clinging on due to the bullet you ladies put in it executioner style.

Look I’m not telling you to not be strong or to bow down, a woman is the definition of strength. I’m saying that men rise to the level of what’s necessary, by taking away those roles you took away our task and purpose. Think of a Queen Bee, how does it serve her or the collective to have a colony of drones with nothing to do? Drones just buzzing around from flower to flower looking to put their stingers anywhere. Even if you don't want a man do it for your fellow woman, your friends, your sisters. Men stopped trying because we no longer had to. Once you women decided to make the money, have the kids, and still give us sex...we clocked out. I know it was our decision to not try harder, that's why we need you...to sometimes save us from ourselves!

Women of the world; we men will fight, protect, provide, live & die for you. We will be what you need us to be. We’ve proven that since the beginning. We just need those requirements, opportunities, & that understanding. Regardless if you feel like “you need a man” or not, men need that purpose. I'm not saying to quit your job, i'm saying let the man know he has a value & it's his responsibility to maintain it. What may seem like a step back is actually a leap forward. We need to reimplement the need and importance of both men and women for more things than sex or money. I know it’s going to take a little while to get it back, Rome wasn’t built in a day, even though it feels like Bitchassness crept in overnight. We need you to get that just as we don’t always see our expression of love for you as being about us, you need to accept that we really only value what we work for and not make our need to have a purpose all about you.

It has been proven repeatedly over time that men are at our best when we are driven by something we view as greater than ourselves. Ladies with a little downsizing to the Ratchet Regime and a little more standards on how you behave & what you’ll tolerate this can be shifted back to you. Is it “fair” putting the responsibility on you? Maybe not, but let’s see if you still care after you’re dealing with Bitchassness free men again.

Imagine that…

This moment is dedicated to the women that miss a “man being a man” & the men that miss the opportunity to be one…

We’re here to take out Bitchassness at all costs…and we're not afraid to...

…Sweep the leg.

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Thursday, September 20, 2012

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Defective Vagina




This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we're looking at, Defective Vagina!

Take this time to prepare yourself for a truly “Cold Cup Moment”…don’t worry…I’ll wait.

“There are no good men out there.” “Men ain’t sh*t!” “All the good ones are gay!” Classic lines all used by women who have yet to find that true love. Through countless horrible relationships plagued by lies, deceit, infidelity & all walks of shadiness women have shouted to the mountain tops that Good Men are as much make believe as the Tooth Fairy. Really?

On a planet of 3.5 BILLION men, there are NO good ones walking around living a heterosexual lifestyle..? Hmmm?

It’s safe to say that we can call BS on that one right now! True there is a good number of men out there not doing much with their lives. They sit around, are unemployed, smoke weed like their last name is Marley, and are working on their PHD in Playstation. Yes these men, and I use the term loosely exist. But what about the others? All of the doctors, engineers, attorneys, school teachers, accountants, garbage men, business owners, counselors etc? All of the married and single straight forward stand up guys? They are real, they do exist. So the question is…why are they not dating you?

Notice I didn’t ask “Why aren’t you dating them?” If you have a past history of dating nothing but losers, scrubs, cheaters, and for all intensive purposes…bad guys…you suffer from what we call…DEFECTIVE VAGINA!

Now before you get all, “My stuff is the bomb!” This isn’t about your sexual “skills” or a hygiene issue. This defect is in your “Quality Penis Navigational System”. Your vagina is defective in its ability to find quality penis with a good man attached to it. Because of this defect, your radar has you in all the wrong places looking for all the wrong people. Like a camper lost without a compass, you will find yourself trekking through this dark world drawn to anything that flickers remotely resembling civilization. Since losers are typically loud and stand out their camp is easiest to stumble by.

Ladies you need to own this defect! There are so many quality men out there. The thing is, REAL MEN and Scrub Dudes don’t run together! Eagles don’t fly with pigeons! So if you repeatedly find yourself in these loser circles…MOVE! LEAVE! BREAK LEFT! Do whatever you have to do! Just get yourself out of Loserville to a more promising circle of men. Also know that your vagina is internal hardware, how you feel about yourself inside and where your head is directly effects the direction and the type of guy you will head for. Got to make sure you're good with YOU first.

One step further, Good Men are forged through fire. We go through enough life to prepare us for how we want to be and who we want to be with. Part of that training is dealing with Defective Vagina. We learn how to properly identify you. We will see you coming and calmly walk the other way.

Now there are two exceptions;

1) Sex. A Good Man will have sex with Defective Vagina, but that’s it. We will classify you as a sleeper…not a keeper.

2) Captain’s. Flying through the city looking for D.V. that wants to be saaaaaaaaaaaavvvvvved.

Ladies there is hope! Many of you are unaware that you possess D.V. now that you know, you can take the necessary steps to fix it. Sometimes you have to abandon the map and just use your eyes. Look at the guys you’re meeting, where you find them and who they run with. Like I said eagles don’t fly with pigeons…If there’s nothing but losers in the circles you travel, get into new circles!

This moment is dedicated to all the women that claim that the reason why they can’t find a good man is because they don’t exist…

No, no, no…it’s you.



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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Give Me 10: Top 10 Reasons Why Being Older Is Better!

Give me 10: 10 reasons, examples or indicators of a certain behavior. Take the time to use the checklist…you may need to check yourself. Today‘s list: The Top 10 Reasons Why Being Older Is Better!

#10 A stern look becomes a valid response.

#9 You save a bunch on your car insurance.

#8 You get just as drunk at the golf course as you do at the bar…except the women have better jobs.

#7 No one asks you to help them move.

#6 You benefit from young girls with “Daddy Issues”.

#5 You realize that the day is so much easier when you’re not nursing a hangover.

#4 You reach the point where you can still date hot 25 yr olds…and their mothers.

#3 You develop the incredible skill of recognizing what’s wrong with everyone else.

#2 Your savings account balance doesn’t look like an area code.

And the #1 reason Why Being Older Is Better…

….You're just not as stupid anymore…
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Thursday, September 6, 2012

Are You Ready For Some Football?!?


The kids are going back to school, the weather is cooling off & the stores are already breaking out the holiday merchandise…that’s right…it’s football season! The most wonderful time of the year…

The 5 months out of the year when there always seems to be a little extra parking space at church on Sunday. Millions of men will be glued to their seats in living rooms, stadiums, and sports bars everywhere as they run the emotional gambit watching their favorite teams do weekly battle. This is not to say that women aren’t fans as well, but they’re better at multi-tasking. It’s all tunnel vision for men.

The focus, the concentration, the research. Yes he can tell you every stat from where the quarterback went to high school to how many jumping jacks the kicker does on cold mornings. Men become FBI Agents when it comes to background checks and fact finding on his team…yet he struggles with anniversaries.

Football season is also the resentment season for a lot of women. They stand by and watch their seemingly unemotional man show such deep levels of concern, attention and passion for something other than them. Household duties and issues take a backseat while the game is on. Lassie can be tugging at his pant leg, but little Timmy may just have to stay in the well until halftime. Even sex can be trumped by Monday Night Football, and don’t let his team lose…she might as well just go to bed early.

Ladies, this isn’t to say that he doesn’t love you. This is one of those few things like his car or even his hair that he aligns with manhood. This is one of the few activities that a man is free and accepted to be emotional about. Where he can show off his football knowledge, brag about his team’s accomplishments, and bond with other men through sh*t talking. Don’t try to understand it, just accept it. Much like we do with your shopping, shoes, make up, tv shows, books, movies & pretty much everything else you’re in to.

This is one of those times that women need to learn how to “take the L”. Game time is not when we want to have a discussion about our relationship, job, family, vacations, or you. Yes we appreciate that you want to learn about the game, but kickoff is not when we want to field your questions or teach you. It’s not cute to hear you debate football knowledge with men, right or wrong. Football is a high testosterone zone, so yes we’re staring at the cheerleaders, the waitress, the girl in the jersey, the chick on the sideline, etc. Just let us eat, drink, watch, & be merry.

Some women love football because it gives them time to do what they want. They just leave beer and a trough of food and walk out the door. This is good too.

We know you’re there and appreciate when you allow us to enjoy what we like uninterrupted. A woman that knows how to manage the clock and successfully maneuver around her man on game days is more valuable than Drew Brees on a Fantasy Football team. You will get all the attention you need, and maybe a little more (depending on who wins) so sit tight.

This moment is for all the ladies that don’t know how to play their position during the football season. Trying to take that from him rivals his manhood and attacks his ego, women have been benched for less.

Make it a difficult or uncomfortable experience for him to watch the game at home and he…could…go…all…the…way…out the door!

Go Bears!!!
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Saturday, August 18, 2012

Don't Call It A Comeback!


The crowd is cheering, near deafening, vision blurry, exhaustion…then suddenly…lights out! Watching a boxer get knocked out is exciting and entertaining to everyone but him. We cheer, laugh, or become upset but we quickly return back to our lives. However for him, in most cases the fight has just begun.

It’s one thing to be beaten, to KNOW someone got the best of us. We tried and trained, we prepared, but they somehow figured us out. They learned our system and exploited our defenses. Then with what seemed to come from out of nowhere…knockout!

Love is pretty much like a heavyweight fight; from the initial butterflies and anticipation, to the feeling of the other person out and establishing a flow & rhythm. Next comes a flurry of emotional to controlled exchanges. This dance can seem like pure poetry or a savage encounter. All leading up to a euphoric moment of glory or a dizzy & sickening feeling of defeat.

In the words of Teddy P, “Looks like another love TKO…” When love puts us down for the count, the road back can be more difficult than the KO itself. That feeling of doubt & question, second guessing our worth & abilities. It can make us question ever stepping in the ring again.

How did this happen? Why? Even, what’s the point? These questions can and will run rampant in our hearts and minds. But like Rocky after catching that beat down by Mr.T in “Rocky III” we have to search within ourselves for that inner belief and strength to fight again. We have to train with the new found knowledge of how we lost the last time. Most importantly, we have to KNOW that we can win! Regardless of public opinion, rumors, lies, even taunts by the one who beat us, we need to fight on.

Breakups can floor us much like an uppercut…even to the point of physically feeling like someone just knocked the wind out of us. It hurts and we're left dazed and confused. However, that pain like the 10 count will be over soon enough. We may have lost but we're not defeated.

Now it’s all about the comeback. Putting ourselves back together. We know, yes it CAN happen. Even Muhammad Ali was beaten, and like him we can once again be champions!

Love like boxing is not something we can enter timid or scared. Doubt & insecurity will eat away at us from the inside if we allow it. Losses will happen, we just have to take them on the chin and keep swinging. We can’t let that last fight cloud our judgement or hinder us in this battle. We need to remember that we are great, we are worthy. This is our fight to win!

So once again the crowd is cheering…

We’ve lived, loved, & learned…

Stay focused, pay attention, protect ourselves at all times, and remember who we are…

And at the sound of the bell, come out fighting…

[Ding, Ding]
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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Real Stories Of Bitchassness:Pt 1

The stories you are about to read are real. Nothing was changed for entertainment purposes or to protect the "innocent". These are real accounts...these are real events...these are real stories...of Bitchassness.

So why last night around 11:30pm as I pulled up to an intersection did I see this young lady maybe 18-20 yrs old, struggling to carry what seemed to be an awkwardly heavy wooden table? She was resting the weight on the front of her thighs and would then re-shift the weight and keep moving. Just as I thought about seeing if she needed help she called out to a young man about 20 yards behind her. He too was carrying wooden furniture. It was maybe half the length of an average door. Only he was on a bicycle! Yes he was using the bike like a wheel barrow and was carrying his load with minimal effort. All as he stood by and watched her struggle into the dark...and she was moving faster than he was!

Every part of me felt like gunning it as he crossed the front of my car. I watched her arms tremble as she white-knuckled that table, and he coasted down the hill with ease...Bitchassness.

Same night 30 min later…

I pulled into a 24hr drug store, in the space next to me was a woman barely able to stay awake behind the wheel. Her head was dipping as she looked like she was fighting back sleep. In the backseat, a young child struggling to keep his eyes open in the same fashion. He was in a car seat and looked to have bags under his eyes from exhaustion. Not knowing their story I felt a little bad for them in went into the store. While in line there was a man in front of me. He was buying alcohol & cigarettes. That was all. He purchased his things as did I and we both walked towards the door. He nodded to me and asked, “Having a good night?”

I simply replied, “Yes, and yourself?”

He said, “I’m alright I guess, and if not this will make it better.” As he lifted the jug of cheap liquor. I nodded and we both walked to our cars that were side by side. He opened the passenger side door of the car next to me. The woman looked at him as he got in.

She asked him, “Did you get the formula?”

His response…”I didn’t have enough money left.”

…Bitchassness.

We have got to get this under control. This plague is spreading throughout our schools, jobs, & communities. It is infecting our youth, and crippling our adults. We need to ban together and put an end to this epidemic. These stories may seem funny and entertaining, but it won’t be funny in 30 years when Bitchassness is running the country. Ladies get a hold of these young women and shake some sense into them! Make them aware that they are not to tolerate this nonsense! Men, we need to hook some of these little S.O.B’s by the throat, drill them in their chests and make them learn about true manhood and responsibility!

We must ban together. We must unite against this common enemy. We must put a stop…to Bitchassness.


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Thursday, July 26, 2012

Put Me In Coach!

Picture this…a stadium full of thousands of screaming near rabid fans. Two teams battling it out for the championship down to the final few seconds. One team has a tiny lead but the other side has the ball. Frantically the fans await the outcome of this epic duel. The coach calls a time out. The team with the ball is getting their instructions all the while one of its players is screaming for the ball. “Get it to me I’ll be open!” “They’ve been ignoring me I can do it!” “Just give me a chance!” The coach calls the play, the game continues. The play was designed for another teammate…only he didn’t score…they lose. The vocal player just stares at the scoreboard and slams the ball down.

Now maybe we all aren’t into sports, but I think we’ve all had this experience. “Why wouldn’t they just give me a chance?” That feeling of frustration/anger/disappointment at not even being given the opportunity…sucks I know. Though everyone may not be an athlete there is another area of life where this feeling is just as common…love.

Yes that wonderful, beautiful, inspiring, encouraging, depressing, frustrating, disappointing, schizophrenic, amazingly dirty 4 letter word.

Love! The ultimate game, where the winner celebrates like they're going to Disneyland EVERYDAY!

It almost sounds impossible to think that on a planet of 8 billion people that two hearts can come together and fit in perfect harmony. Through all of the shady, murky, foul waters of the dating pond that they can enjoy the pure clear flow of healthy “good love”. It almost feels more likely to win the Lotto. The only thing worse than never finding that someone, is finding that someone who doesn’t find it in you.

Oh we’ve all been there. Finding that amazing man or woman and then seeing the scrub or loser that they chose to be with! That man/woman that lies, cheats, abuses, neglects and disrespects them! We find ourselves internally screaming like that player on the sideline, “Just give me a chance!” But our shouts go unheard. Our advances ignored as the coach of life calls another player’s number…

“Why are they with them? Why do they keep going back? He/She doesn’t really love them? How many times do they need to be beaten or cheated on?” All the thoughts and “semi-haterish” ideas race through our heads as we try to understand on some level why they choose the struggle life over the opportunity for real happiness.

Here’s the thing. I’ve always believed that relationships are like a lock & key. They may look nothing alike on the outside, but the grooves on the key line up perfectly to the tumblers in the lock. They fit for what the other one needs. So when we see a potentially great person latching on to a cancer, that cancer is supplying something for them that they are looking for, healthy or not. In a lot of cases until there is some fundamental shake up the cancer becomes comfortable, and pretty much accepted. Similar to that player that’s been on the team a long time. They’re no longer producing but the team refuses to cut them.

In our perfect world all we need is that one opportunity, that one chance to shine and prove that with us we can win. The sad part and sometimes the hard pill to swallow is acknowledging that maybe this just isn’t the right team for us. We may love the city, the fans, the potential, but we’ll never win the championship here. We need to be where our talents are appreciated and celebrated, not on the bench begging for playing time.

This moment is dedicated to all of the men and women who are sitting the bench waiting for their opportunity to play for a team that doesn’t appreciate their talents. Shaq was good in Orlando, but great as a Laker. LeBron was MVP in Cleveland but won a championship in Miami. Steve Young left Tampa Bay for San Francisco, Brett Favre left Atlanta for Green Bay…sometimes we have to be willing to walk away from what “could be” good now for what “will be” great later. It’s hard, I know, but we’ll be better for it.

And if that other team never realizes what it truly needs to win…well we’re all familiar with the Oakland Raiders…
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Friday, July 13, 2012

Give Me 10: Top 10 Signs That You Just Need To Quit!

Give me 10: 10 reasons, examples or indicators of a certain behavior. Take the time to use the checklist…you may need to check yourself. Life is full of challenges, we all struggle, but sometimes you need to know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em. Sometimes you just have to walk away and take the “L”. Today’s list: Top 10 Signs That You Just Need To Quit!

#10 You’re 35 still trying to be an NFL “walk on”.

#9 She just cut up and bleached your 3rd new wardrobe.

#8 You’ve been selling drugs for 10 yrs but still don’t have rent money.

#7 You have 4 kids by 4 guys and just turned 25...and are still single.

#6 She’s changed her number, blocked yours, pepper sprayed you, got a restraining order against you…

#5 You got with him and he was childless now he has 3 kids & only 1 is yours.

#4 You and sobriety are like Clark Kent & Superman…never seen at the same time.

#3 Your braids start at the top of your head.

#2 You’ve lost but started every fight you’ve ever been in.

And the #1 Sign That You Just Need To Quit…

You think about something bad happening to your mate…and you smile.

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Tuesday, June 26, 2012

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Ratchet vs Righteous

This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we're looking at, “Ratchet versus Righteous”.

Now in previous “Moments” the battle of Manhood vs. Bitchassness has been addressed. The struggle for control over the next generation of males on this planet. Responsibility, education, determination is up against whining, unmotivated, entitlement. As the war rages on a new battle has arose, and this time it’s women’s turn to take up arms!

Where it was once all quiet on the Woman front, now looks like Normandy! Who’s pitted against one another you might ask..? Righteous practices and morals of the past are engaged in battle with this “bottom bitch” Ratchet behavior of the future. (See “Pimps Up, Love Down”) Just as men are in the midst of our battle to save Manhood, you ladies have been called upon to step up and fight for the preservation and appreciation of women.

Now some of you may be unfamiliar with “Ratchet” behavior, so here’s a quick tutorial:

Here are a few signs to let you know if you’re “Ratchet”:

If you’ve ever been in a fight…at a daycare center…

If you’ve ever worn a leopard print cat suit…to church…

If there are more colors in your hair than in a pack of “Skittles” yet none of them are your natural color…

If you’ve ever had multiple “one night stands” in the SAME night…

If you’ve ever had your baby dancing like he OR she is auditioning for “Twerk Team 2025”…

Now that we’re caught up…

Also don’t get me wrong when I refer to “Team Righteous”. That doesn’t mean I’m talking about just the holiest, sanctified chaste ladies of the Lord, I just mean the ones that have basic morality down and don’t exhibit extreme levels of “hoe-ish” behavior. These women aren’t perfect, but they know how to properly conduct themselves.

We good? Ok…

“Ratchet” may be a newer term but their mission is old. In the past we’ve called them; loose, hoes, hoochies, floosies, tramps, whores & a series of other not so friendly names. If we’ve had these terms forever what’s changed you may ask? Ratchets much like Bitchassness has had the luxury of no resistance. Quality women have stepped aside to live their own lives and didn’t bother to look back to help guide the next wave of women behind them. Claire Huxtable has been replaced by Kim Kardashian as tv’s female influence,. Now that we’re a couple of generations deep in this b.s. and nonsense the little girls of today don’t think anything’s wrong.

These “women” and much like their behavior I use the term loosely, have infiltrated almost every level of our society. These “For The Love Of Real Basketball Ratchet Housewives In Jersey” have put their stamp on everything! I’m seeing little girls walking down the street looking like they’re “walking the streets”. This goes so far beyond just hoe-ish tendencies. True, hoes have always had their place in our society, but you could shame a hoe! Ratchets do their dirt in the light! They thrive on it! They’re like mutant cockroaches!

Let’s take it back to the old days, keeping it real, Elizabeth Taylor, Joan Crawford, Marilyn Monroe, Billie Holiday, Lena Horne, Diana Ross & more all exhibited Ratchet-like behavior during their time and we cheered them. The difference is they knew how to reel it in. They knew the proper way to behave and when to wild out. Today’s little girls aren’t getting enough of that necessary foundation. They don’t know the difference…and they don’t care.

Ladies we need your help. We need you to help smack some of these little girls back in line. Snatch ‘em up by their multi-colored extensions, take a damp towel to that 2 pounds of make up and tell them to put some clothes on!

Men a lot of this is our fault. Too much Bitchassness has led to not enough men being REAL fathers to their daughters. By not being there and letting her know she’s pretty and valued these little girls are running to guys in skinny jeans for validation…skinny jeans!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we are at war! Ratchets and Bitchassness need to fear us like roaches do “Raid!“ Ladies and gentlemen batten down the hatches…

And in the words of the great Bette Davis…

“Fasten your seatbelts, It’s going to be a bumpy night.”

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Thursday, June 21, 2012

A Different World

“Back in the day“…as we get older so many of us find ourselves uttering that phrase. We think back to an earlier part of our life to when it all seemed to be so much more fun, safe, simple or just made more sense. Often we look back at our clothes, movies, and music as a reminder of how it used to be.

Recently I saw an old episode of a show that I loved watching when I was young… “A Different World”. It was a spin-off to the highly popular “Cosby Show”. Originally it was based around one of the older daughters “Denise Huxtable” and her first years away at college. Though the show grew into so much more; following the lives of other students after she left, starring a lot of actors & actresses that went on to have very successful careers, the part that stuck with me while watching this throwback to rayon shirts & flat top hair cuts was the theme song.

“I know my parents love me,
Stand behind me come what may.
I know now that I'm ready,
Because I finally heard them say
It's a different world from where you come from...”

It was so simple but real. When the show came on back in the late 80’s early 90’s the theme song was just an alarm to let me know it was on, but listening to it now I found myself thinking, “why am I not hearing this message anymore?”

“Here's a chance to make it,
If we focus on our goals.
If you dish it we can take it,
Just remember you've been told
It's a different world from where you come from…”

In this age of rampant running entitlement and coddling of children until they are nowhere near prepared for the real world, where is this message? Yes my parents love me. Yes they stand behind me. It will be hard but they’ve prepared me for life. It’s not going to be the same when I leave home, but that’s okay. If I stay focused, if I work hard I can make it. What happened?

I know television images changed after Cosby and the Coogi sweaters left, but can we please inject some of this back into the mindsets of not only these kids but their parents? Let these kids know there is no “Jordan Fairy” that drops off free $150 shoes while they sleep. “Swag” is not a marketable job skill, and no one is going to pay you to be cute unless it’s for a set hourly rate with “extras” or involves “clear heels”. Raise them, teach them well, then push these little birds out the nest and trust in the job you spent nearly 2 decades working at.

Back in the day…

As much as I would love to take things back to a little more interactive parenting, family togetherness, & a pair of flip-top glasses…maybe it’s me that has to realize…

“It’s a different world from where you come from.”



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Sunday, June 10, 2012

Please No More Donations!

Father's Day is a celebration honoring fathers and celebrating fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society…

Every year the shopping malls are flooded with moms and children looking for every wallet, watch, cologne, tie, and bbq grill accessories they can find to show tribute to the men in their lives…Dad. Yes dear old Dad gets his props once a year. Being a Father is in so many ways a thankless job. That’s why taking the time to acknowledge him is so important.

We all know Father’s Day is completely eclipsed by Mother’s Day. Mom gets flowers, candy, dinner, etc…Dad gets a handmade ashtray. But it’s good. A man knows his role and responsibility isn’t for personal acclaim. His rewards come in the fruits of his labor; a happy wife, successful children and a loving home. Fathers do their best and then some. Work the long hours, sacrifice their own health and well being all in the name of love for the family they helped create. So for all the Fathers out there thank you. But this is where we part ways…

I’m now talking to the donors…oh yes YOU, the dreaded sperm donors. Out here giving it away like ketchup packets at McDonald’s. You donors of this planet out here on a mission to procreate like bees pollinate. Buzzing from flower to flower, planting your seed, getting some honey and bouncing. You donors are the thorns in our sides, the ants at our picnics, the rain on our parades. Your exploits leave a trail of emotional destruction, battered self esteem and all out Bitchassness!

Yes you donors that leave nothing but scorned women, bad blood and lost children in your wake. You! And if you think it’s not you here’s a quick check…

If you refuse to pay child support yet try to claim your kids on your taxes…

If every time you see your kids you have to remind them of the last time you’ve seen them…

If you have purchased a home, car, new clothes or went on any form of vacation before taking care of your children…

If you allow your new woman to in anyway prevent you from being a father…

If you have ever used the phrase, “she won’t let me see them…” but have never once filed any court papers or made a legal attempt to see your kids…

YOU AIN’T SH*T!

This isn’t “A Cold Cup Of Coffee” installment but this is just as real. There is no excuse you can provide that let’s you “off the hook” for not being an active or involved parent. Fathers set the tone and bench mark for their children’s feelings of self worth and self esteem…yes that’s Daddy! With or without you will dictate how your son OR daughter will feel about themselves. (See “Daddy Dearest”) You not being there drastically raises their probability for teen pregnancy, incarceration, and dropping out of school…and a Fatherless household is the 1# cause of Bitchassness! A disease plaguing the young men of our society. (See “A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Bitchassness“)

Next week is Father’s Day, a day to recognize the real men out there who do what they’re supposed to do. They own up to their responsibilities and do their best to help usher in a new generation of proud, strong, independent men and women.

As for you donors…if you’re out there just having fun, wrap it up! Stop planting seeds if you’re not prepared to do the work to help them grow.

Donors get your sh*t together!

MEN…

Happy Father’s Day!

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Monday, May 28, 2012

Selling The Sizzle

“You never get a second chance to make a first impression”, “Put your best foot forward”, and a series of quotes and clich├ęs have been said for years, all trying to stress the importance of “The Presentation.” Yes that initial encounter…that first “hello”.

I completely agree with this concept that we want to be at our best, especially when we first meet someone. That being said we need to keep things in perspective and try to hold on to some degree of honesty.

You know what I mean, ladies, when you meet that man in the nice car, with the nice clothes on and doing it “Big” at the bar or club. He has put one hell of a best foot forward, now how disappointing is it when you find out the car is rented, the clothes borrowed, and that was his rent money?

Don’t laugh too hard ladies because you’re just as guilty. Men know. We’ve all been fooled by those sweater dresses, push up bras, hair weaves, high heels and make up. You all know how to “sell” that “packaged perfection”. Then the sun comes up and we find that Saturday night’s Cinderella has become Sunday morning’s pumpkin.

Now before we get all, “that’s what you get for being shallow” or “those things are superficial” yes that is true. But for one moment don’t think you haven’t been fooled by the guy carrying books he’s never read, talking about issues he doesn’t give a damn about, heavy Lord praising, wearing glasses he doesn’t need, or even playing with children or pets that aren’t his.

That’s right there with the girl who either instantly cleaned up her act or whored it up over night. She “suddenly” loves sports, cooking, cars & comes down with a terrible case of the “giggles” every time you remotely say something funny.

Truth is we all lie…about who we are, who we’re not or who we’ve been. Let’s just reel it in a little.

More relationships would have a better chance of survival with a little more honesty from the jump. If the bar of deception is set high coming out of the gates how much or can we at all be upset about dishonesty later? If we shifted more into the mindset of working on who we are and what we’re presenting as opposed to "how" we present it, I think we’d be better served.

This is just a brief moment shedding light to the fact that the truth will eventually come out. The REAL truth, that is. After the MAC has been wiped away, the push up bra is gone & the heels have been kicked off. After she’s seen where you really work, live, & drive. After the kids have been discovered and the rap sheet revealed…

Because in the end, “The Presentation” may be what gets the immediate attention, but it’s the QUALITY of the product that will maintain the relationship.
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Sunday, May 20, 2012

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Give Me 10

This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we're looking at a very special, “Give Me 10”.

Give me 10: 10 reasons, examples or indicators of a certain behavior. Take the time to use the checklist…you may need to check yourself. Today‘s list: The Top 10 Reasons Why You’re REALLY In A Relationship!


#10 Even YOU can‘t stand hanging out with just YOU.

#9 You can’t afford the rent on your own.

#8 After the first date, they just never left.

#7 It’s cheaper than an escort service.

#6 You got tired of the tranquilizer darts every time you tried to leave.

#5 You’re determined to prove you CAN turn one into a housewife.

#4 If you break up you’ll have to get a job.

#3 You still haven’t figured out how to pick the lock.

#2 You’re in love.

…and the #1 Reason Why You’re REALLY In A Relationship…

He thinks the kid is his!

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Monday, April 30, 2012

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Hoe Economics

This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we're looking at, “Hoe Economics”.

Most of us learned about Economics in at least some capacity in high school. We learned the basic principles of supply and demand. That the value of something is greatly based on the number of people that want it and how accessible it is to obtain. Now the same basic principle applies in pretty much all areas of life. But one often overlooked department is in our relationships.

Oh yes supply and demand plays a huge part in our hunt for a potential mate. The ratio of quality men/women directly effects behavior and in most cases tolerance. If a city has a 3:1 female to male ratio, the supply and demand drastically favors men. Even unqualified men (See “What’s Your Number?”) can easily find themselves in a position of power just based on a lack of other options. Sucks for you ladies…I know.

Actually in most cases women outnumber men in large cities which causes a secondary issue for them…value. Now before you get on one of those “I don’t need a man to tell me what I’m worth” tangents…you’re right. Men don’t dictate a woman’s worth, other women do. Probably not the way you’d think though.

This is where the condensation gets real thick on the outside of that mug.

Quality women; intelligent, responsible, classy, dependable, and together are who set the standard. But hoes set the marketplace. That may take a second so think about it. Don’t worry, I’ll wait…

That’s right a woman that is for all intensive purposes the definition of style and grace is what sets the standard for what we as men view a woman to potentially be, however, the value meaning what we’ll compromise, concede to, work for and tolerate to be with her is set by the actions of hoes. Yes those loud, trashy, messy, sloppy, ratchet ass females are your “Dow Jones!” If you hate the current “economy” they’re the ones you have to get in check!

True a man should be responsible for his actions and demand more out of his woman…that sounded funny to me just typing. It’s like this; a Ferrari may be viewed as the epitome of excellence in an automobile. In its speed, handling, efficiency etc it is seen as the standard. Now think, how many people drive Ferraris? So you see Ferrari may be the standard, but Ford sets the marketplace. Time to take another swig of this ice cold reality…

Ladies these low budget, duct tape covered, bungee cord using, Bondo filled Ford “Escorts” are messing up your program. Men are viewing Ferrari’s more and more from possibly being unattainable to unnecessary. These hoes out here are devaluing your “commodity” by giving it away for nothing like the government printing up worthless money! You ladies know it, there is a recession on good men for you. Guys are holding out because like the housing market, these hoes keep lowering and lowering their prices. Men are waiting to “buy” and are simply “renting” for rock bottom prices!

If you want any form of recovery these hoes must be stopped! There is a great depression a brewing for you ladies. Hoes have put so little value on themselves that men have begun to dictate the pace and structure of the relationship. Always remember, men are all about the lowest common denominator, maximize pleasure/minimize pain. We will keep you and several others around forever with no ring or real commitment if allowed. We are not the ones to be at the wheel. Hoes are handing over the keys just to be in the game. As a man I’m telling you we have no business setting the timeline, tone or pace of a relationship. Men don’t choose women, women choose men. As this shift continues it’s going to be looking the 20’s all over again.

Trickle down economics favors “Bottom Bitches” (See “Pimps Up, Love Down”) if you ladies are trying to be wives and bring back your market value…get these hoes in check and bring back the gold standard.

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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Love, Smokey, & Mirrors

It has been said that, “music has charms to soothe a savage breast.” Meaning that music has the ability to embrace and touch the roughest of souls. We know this to be true. Think of how often we use music to change and set our entire demeanor. We have music to clean the house to, what we play while we’re getting ready to go out partying, go on long road trips, to relax and unwind, and of course…”Mr. Nasty Time!” Yes music speaks to our very spirit.

One subject that always finds its way to music…is love. Love in all its forms has been the inspiration for a many a song. True love, precious love yes even unrequited love have flooded our radio station air waves for decades. I heard one song in particular that really made me think. Based on our views on love now, how would it be interpreted today? The author…one Smokey Robinson.

“I don’t like you, but I love you. Seems that I’m always thinking of you…you treat me badly, I love you madly…you’ve really got a hold on me.”

Now in today’s world this would be the soundtrack to an abusive relationship! We have become so far removed from the simple language of love that we dissect and try to interpret everything. This song would describe a relationship filled with turmoil, pain and probably violence. A scene straight from “Sleeping With The Enemy“ or possibly the first 50 minutes of “What’s Love Got To Do With It?“ We’d be looking for yellow police tape and this would be the attacker’s note left at the crime scene. So when did we go from the era of being a slave to love to jumping to the idea that someone is being a victim in life?

“I don’t want you, but I need you. Don’t want to kiss you, but I need to…you do me wrong now, my love is strong now…you’ve really got a hold on me.”

Fatal attraction anyone? This just screams of a 3 am phone call from the mistress! Make sure you do a “bunny check”. Or possibly “A Thin Line Between Love & Hate” moment…watch that toaster! The upside maybe it's a "Sugar Daddy/Momma" relationship, no fiancee but possibly a financier.

“I want to leave you, don’t want to stay here. Don’t want to spend another day here…I want to split now, I can’t quit now…you’ve really got a hold on me.”

It puts the lotion on the skin…

My point is, first in no way do I condone domestic violence or any other form of an abusive relationship. Dominating or terrorizing someone has nothing to do with love. Smokey wrote this in the 60’s, a period that boasted deep felt emotion and embraced the idea of expressing what love meant to people. Relationships weren’t perfect then. Sure there was infidelity, lying, addictions and everything else we have now, but something I think we’ve lost a lot of is that belief in love.

That, “you get on my nerves so bad, but there isn’t anyone else I would rather have annoy me“, “yeah he’s an ugly man, but he’s so ugly he’s cute”, “she can’t cook but two meals and they’re both bad, but I eat it, kiss her, and tell her I love it every time” kind of love. No it may not be that Dr. Phil definition of love, but it’s a “feeling” love.

A feeling of, “I want you”. That you are the one and there is no other person I want to be with…regardless. Today we’d tell this person they were wrong and had low self esteem or something along those lines, why? Why do we need to tell someone that fairy tales don‘t exist? Even when we see it we automatically shift to, “it’s not real”. Why can’t we allow them to want to be someone’s everything? Are we so jaded as a society that we believe all love is tainted? That if you’re under the age of 40 that “grandma/grandpa love” no longer exists?

Without that belief we damn near do scouting reports on potential mates based on everything but how we feel about them. Not expecting a “forever” situation we look at “best case scenarios” for when it ends. Do they have money? Do they look like they will produce attractive children? Do they seem like they’ll flip out and go crazy if we leave them? These questions have become part of the standard dating questionnaire.

The friends that song reminds me of all have something in common…they still believe in love. They may still need a little work in the proper partner picking department but they believe all the same…and I believe they will find it. Love isn’t about ego. It requires a degree of vulnerability, an honesty. We love to talk people out of that emotional honesty, usually because we’re too afraid to do it ourselves. We over think and analyze things so much that it creates a distrust and a pain probability. Don’t be stupid, but like another song sometimes, “you got have faith.”

Let’s work on getting out of our own ways, by not holding on to past mistakes and fears. True we should learn from the past, just remember that you’ll never see what’s in front of you if you’re only looking back.

So maybe we need to interpret less, open up more and keep it as simple as Smokey…


“I love you and all I want you to do is just hold me…you’ve really got a hold on me.”

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Sunday, April 15, 2012

Who's Thirsty!?!

Picture this: It’s 3pm, the sun is high and it’s a blazing 112 degrees in the middle of the Mojave desert. You see someone stumbling down the side of a sand dune draped in a 40 pound all black cloak. With eyes glazed, lips dry and chapped and a clear look of desperation they gaze upon…a Slurpee! Now at that moment they are ready to beg, steal, borrow and even kill for a drink…ladies and gentlemen…this is “thirsty”.

But you already knew that, what you may not have known is that “thirsty” individuals are everywhere and I’m not just talking about being dehydrated. Thirsty, is a term used for someone that is desperate, eager or trying way to hard. You know the type; the guy that stalks a woman at the nightclub much similar to a hyena after a lame gazelle. You’ve seen him; drooling, glossy eyed and working that syncopated pant and pelvic thrust. Or maybe it’s the woman at your job that pursues her co-worker like he owes her child support. She greets him as he walks in the door, brings him baked goods, offers to do his work for him and always seems to work her itinerary into the conversation to let him know she’s free. Yes there are a lot of parched folks out there…or are they?

We have become such an ego based society that the mere idea of looking desperate or in some cases even interested is frowned upon. The thought of making our intentions known and potentially being left twisting in the wind is terrifying at best to some. When did we become so scared? And to take it a step further, we ridicule those not afraid. Oh we can’t wait to blast the guy who lays it all out and gets rejected. You can hear the shouts of “Aww!” “Damn!” And “Ohhhhh!” from across the room like a boxing match is on. We celebrate the execution of their romantic advances like a gladiator fight! But why are the ones unafraid to be emotionally honest in the wrong?

In a society so riddled with single, lonely and unhappy people why is it so bad to try? I’m not saying to be a fool for love or to put obsessive, unwarranted advances of psychotic stalking on someone. Also don't be someone's door mat or allow yourself to be taken advantage of, but it is okay to be direct...not hyena...direct. Honestly more relationships would happen and work out if they began with a clear understanding. Not just “hanging out” and having sex until we’re “technically” together. Clearly stating interest and intentions gets everyone on the same page.

It’s hard out there, I know, but we can’t win if we’re not in the game. We can’t be hung up on how embarrassing it is to strike out we have to remember how amazing it is to hit the home run! That feeling of trekking through the desert can seem unbearable it’s the pure bliss that comes from that first sip of the Slurpee that makes it all worth it. So in the great words of “The Most Interesting Man In The World”, “stay thirsty my friends.”

Because I’d rather run the risk of appearing thirsty to be happy…then to be refreshingly lonely.

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Thursday, April 5, 2012

Give Me 10: Top 10 Reasons Why You Get The Side Eye!

THE SIDE EYE-
A facial expression expressing one's criticism, disapproval, animosity, or scorn of varying levels of intensity towards another person.

Give me 10: 10 reasons, examples or indicators of a certain behavior. Take the time to use the checklist…you may need to check yourself. Today‘s list: The Top 10 Reasons Why You Get The Side Eye!

#10 You’re spotted shopping at the mall by the person you still owe money to.

#9 You bring a different man/woman to Thanksgiving, Xmas, New Year’s & now Easter & get mad when they’re called the wrong name.

#8 “I was just about to call you.”

#7 Tattooing someone else’s First name on you when you don’t know their Middle name.

#6 “Damn! I forgot my wallet at home.”

#5 Grown man…skinny jeans.

#4 You’re on your second boyfriend by your third trimester.

#3 “Sexy” bathroom cell phone pics…with children in the background.

#2 Lace fronts.

…And the #1 Reason Why You Get The Side Eye…

“I'm not racist...but...”

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Saturday, March 31, 2012

People Are Strange...(Trayvon Martin)

“People are strange when you’re a stranger. Faces look ugly when you’re alone…” It seems as if Jim Morrison and The Doors were on to something. Morrison was a musician, actor, singer/song writer even filmmaker. Originally from Florida, he helped launch the 60’s rock band The Doors into superstar status before his untimely passing in Paris of an apparent heroin overdose at the age of 27. He’s been gone now for over 40 years and it seems some things still ring true and instead of Rome all roads lead back to Florida.

From the infamous “Hanging Chads” incident of the 2000 presidential election, the conviction and life sentence handed down to 14 year old Lionel Tate for the accidental death of 6 year old Tiffany Eunick while performing a wrestling move on her he saw on television, to the release of Bill Dillon, a man wrongly convicted of murder causing him to lose 27 years of his life, yes Florida has a few blemishes on its record to say the least. The most recent act of questionable behavior was in the response and handling of the death of Trayvon Martin.

Martin was a 17 year old Florida high school student killed at the hands of one George Zimmerman, a self appointed neighborhood watch captain. Trayvon was walking from the store through a prominent, primarily Caucasian, gated Florida community. The girlfriend of his father lived there and he was returning to her house. Now the details of the incident have been shaky, but what has been determined is that Zimmerman, Hispanic, noticed an unfamiliar Martin. Martin an African American stood over 6 feet tall and was wearing a dark hooded sweatshirt. Zimmerman called 911 and proceeded to follow Martin, citing he looked “suspicious”. Zimmerman was told that wasn’t necessary but continued to follow Martin anyway.

Martin was not being disruptive or even noticed by anyone other than Zimmerman. As I stated the details are shaky, at some point Martin and Zimmerman had a confrontation. It could be heard on the 911 dispatcher’s recording and after some form of physical confrontation Martin was shot and killed by Zimmerman. There are reports of the use of racial slurs initiated by racial profiling. Zimmerman’s claiming self defense, stating that Martin attacked him.

With so many holes, discrepancies & questions you would think a full on investigation would be automatic then again remember…this is Florida. The police came out taking Zimmerman’s story as gospel and closed the case…and here we are. The nation has responded; from staged protests and marches, signed petitions, even a bounty placed by the New Black Panther party for Zimmerman’s “capture” the people are demanding “justice”.

Since the story broke Zimmerman’s testimony has changed and has been unsubstantiated with physical evidence. Let’s remove the hearsay and speculation, an alleged slur & call to Martin’s girlfriend from Trayvon before he was shot, Zimmerman having a racist past or Martin being of questionable character, toss that out. Let’s just look at what’s real. An unarmed 17 year old boy was shot by an armed neighborhood watch captain in a situation where no crime was being committed and no disturbance had occurred. That warrants an investigation. For the police to dismiss it and send Zimmerman home shows their lack of compassion for Martin & his family as well as a lack of commitment to finding the truth.

I’m not claiming Zimmerman is a murderer or a racist, neither has been proven to me, I’m saying a trial is obviously necessary. If he’s convicted or even if enough evidence shows him to be innocent, so be it. Something clearly needs to be done. People of all Races have been showing their support for Martin and disgust for how this is being handled, even President Obama chimed in stating ”If I had a son he would look like Trayvon Martin.” Before this escalates further the state of Florida needs to do right by its citizens the Martin family. I only ask that the justice system get involved, let’s see what stands up in court. Also that we as a people don’t get swept away by our own perceptions, ideologies & past and make it about us and not the truth.

Trayvon Martin wasn’t old enough to remember Jim Morrison, the real tragedy is he didn’t even out live him. Show the value of his life and existence…a trial…the truth.


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Friday, March 30, 2012

Give Me 10: 10 Reasons Why YOU Shouldn't Win The Lottery!

Give me 10: 10 reasons, examples or indicators of a certain behavior. Take the time to use the checklist…you may need to check yourself. Today‘s list: The top 10 Reasons Why YOU Shouldn’t Win The Lottery!

#10 No one wants to look a 50ft statue of yourself in your front yard.

#9 Everyone at your job DOES NOT need to be cursed out.

#8 Army tanks aren’t supposed to be on “Spinners”.

#7 Your album doesn’t need to come out.

#6 After you’ve finished rolling around in it naked someone else is going to have to touch that money.

#5 No one wants to hear you shout 10,000 times a day, “I’m Rich B*tch!”

#4 There is no Guiness World Record for “Making It Rain”.

#3 The current name is fine, no one wants to send their child to “Get Money Elementary School”.

#2 Randomly slapping people is still illegal.

…And the #1 reason why YOU Shouldn’t Win The Lottery…

You’ll be broke in 5 years!


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Thursday, March 15, 2012

Give Me 10: 10 Signs That You Ain't Sh*t!

Give me 10: 10 reasons, examples or indicators of a certain behavior. Take the time to use the checklist…you may need to check yourself. Today‘s list: 10 signs that…You Ain’t Sh*t!

#10 You see borrowing money as a game of “Catch Me If You Can!”

#9 You feel STD disclosure is “Optional”.

#8 You feel that $5 worth of gas is truly contributing.

#7 You remember your favorite NFL team’s last 15 #1 draft picks but forget your girlfriend’s birthday.

#6 Your closing argument with a woman is always, “dumb b*tch!”

#5 You think being cute in some way offsets your personality.

#4 You cheat at “Words With Friends”.

#3 You wake up broke, unemployed, on your parents’ couch and “tweet”, “Rise & Grind”.

#2 You chalk up domestic violence to “buyer beware”.

…And the #1 sign that You Ain’t Sh*t…

Your children have to be reminded of who you are!

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Monday, February 27, 2012

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Girlfriends

This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we're looking at, “Girlfriends”.

Now I know you may think I’m talking about relationships, well I am, just not of the man/woman kind. That’s right, this isn’t about “boy meets girl” or even an “Ellen” situation. This is about that bond between women, that sorority, that sisterhood…girlfriends.

This is something that has always amazed and astounded me, the interaction between women. My whole life I’ve heard women swear on everything they love that their girlfriends are everything to them. Those friendships are the cornerstone of their stability and sometimes their best friend is more of a sister than their actual sibling. Men come and go but that friend will always be there to see them through. I’ve "heard" it my whole life but when it comes to seeing it... few and far between.

Oh now don’t get upset thinking I don’t recognize how women can come together. How you ladies can bond on a subject, movement, or belief is something to be marveled. You’re ability to forge through exceptional degrees of pain and strife and come out on top is something to be heralded and championed. You are capable of those 40yr friendships where you’re 80 yrs old sitting around the table like a scene from “The Golden Girls”. The only issue is, though you women can love, bond, and support each other there will always be a consistent and plaguing problem. The fundamental flaw with a relationship involving just women is…you are all women!

We’re pouring coffee and not the General Foods International kind. No Jean-Luc today. Sip slow.

The defining reason why women have been yet to be taken as seriously as they should, whether in the work place or by men in general is simple. No it’s not because men are threatened or intimidated by you. It’s that we don’t believe you, and oddly enough…you don’t either. You all will praise the accomplishments of a woman and in the same breath cut her down to the marrow.

A woman’s harshest critic and natural enemy is another woman! You can try to sugar coat it with your “Waiting To Exhale” moments but deep down, you all don’t even like each other! Oh yes a female friendship is the most beautiful, sensitive, endearing, supportive, co-dependent, diabolical, back-stabbing, shady existence…and you know it…and we know it too. You want us men to cosign for some ish that you don’t even subscribe to. In the words of Puff Daddy…eh, eh.

Women relationships are bi-polar at best to a man. Ladies take any friendship you’ve had with a woman that is longer than a year. (Some of you have to check out of the discussion right now because you don’t keep them that long) In a female friendship lasting over a year an average week is seen as complete lunacy to us. All of the emotions and hormones make it hard for us to keep up. We see it as crazy… When you describe your friendships to us its as hard to follow as translating German to Japanese. An example of a week in a woman’s friendship world…

Monday- “She’s my best friend.”
Tuesday- “I trust her with my life...just not my man.”
Wednesday- “I can’t hang with her, she’s messy”
Thursday- “I’ve had her back since day 1.”
Friday- “I can’t believe she did that!”
Saturday- “No man can come between us.”
Sunday- “F*ck that b*tch!”

Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe men are better. We are however far less complex. A man’s intentions are pretty transparent and since we as men know what each man is capable of we assume all men are suspect, and a potential predator. It’s accepted and understood.

Which brings us to the introduction of the opposite sex…men are no angels in the pursuit of pleasure. We will lie, and deceive on every level for sex…but to her! Men are pretty good about keeping it real when it pertains to other men. Lying isn’t necessary because ultimately she’s at fault in our eyes. Since we’re so ego driven, another man’s woman isn’t a “keeper”, we’ll sleep with her and pretty much give her back. Scandalous I know. Like I said it’s the woman who is blamed so the men can ultimately be friends afterwards. (See “Ain’t No Fun”) A man’s world is shady and poorly lit.

Women however try to pull a “Manifest Destiny” and “discover” another woman’s man. Oh yes she can be introduced to her girlfriend’s man, and the voyage begins! She’ll get her Columbus on and back stab anyone and everyone to have him, and she’ll try to keep him! Like that’s going to work, but she tries. I have seen best friends, cousins, even sisters destroy relationships in the name of a guy. All that sisterhood is out the window in the pursuit of a “qualified” man. (See “What’s Your Number?”)

This moment was inspired by the women I have witnessed rise to the occasion and be there for their girlfriends and just as easily turn on them. From the women that help their girlfriends get through school to the ones that hated on them after they received a promotion. The ones that nursed them through illnesses, pregnancies and heart break to the ones that left them at the club, lied on them in public and slept with their man. Girlfriends doing everything from holding their girl’s hair back after a night of too much drinking, having to play the role of cock blocker (Even if it costs them their own fun) to maybe even having to swing on someone to protect their girl. All the way to the ones that talk ish, dry snitch, and blatantly hate. I appreciate and salute you.

Just a note, we men listen to what you say, believe it or not. If you tell us you run with great positive beautiful women, we appreciate your security and the company you keep. But if you have nothing but negative things to say about your friends we look at that too. Birds of a feather…

Ladies cherish those friendships because men will come and go. You out live us anyway so those friendships will be crucial later in life, and it’s much better to look forward to being a “Golden Girl” than a "Rusty Broad".

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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Keeping It Real Pt.2 (Whitney Houston Edition)

This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we’re looking at “Keeping It Real Pt 2 (Whitney Houston Edition)”.

Now “Keeping It Real” was addressed previously in respects to being ourselves. The idea of being and acting how we want to regardless of what other people think or might say, was the message. Not feeling the need to conform to everyone else’s thoughts, ideas or trends. Though those statements still hold true, we’re shining the light on a different area today.

Recently the world lost an iconic figure. Singer and superstar Whitney Houston died at the age of 48 from yet to be determined circumstances. She was a Grammy Award winning singer, sold millions of albums, starred in several movies even set the bar with her performance of the National Anthem at Super Bowl XXV. She inspired millions and was the prototype for generations of singers to follow. Her death was a blow felt by many. Her funeral service was a global phenomenon and will be discussed for years to come.

For all of her talent, achievements and accolades these aren’t the things Whitney Houston has been known for over the last decade. She has been the butt of countless jokes. Her drug abuse has been compared to the likes of Charlie Sheen and her tumultuous relationship with ex husband Bobby Brown was coined, “The new Ike & Tina”. People have been insulting and passing judgment on her for years. Now that she has passed she is once again in the world’s good graces. It’s been a while since our last cup but fear not there’s an ice cold pot ready to go…

First of all I believe Whitney deserves every bit of acclaim for what she accomplished in her lifetime. I take nothing away from her talents or to the degree in which she inspired so many. My issue is with everyone else. That’s right, everyone else who called her a crack head. Everyone else who did late-night talk show monologues describing her dysfunctions. Everyone else who performed comedy skits of her getting beat up and then running to the pipe. There were even betting pools on when she would die and of what cause? All of those people who are now shedding tears.

When did it become okay to drag someone’s name and character through the mud in life and think that’s fine as long as you praise them after death? Be real! If you hate someone, own it! If all of the people showed her this amount of love in life maybe it would have been easier for her to deal with some of her demons. Or stay true to your beliefs. If you feel that “the train wasn’t late” and she ended up exactly where you thought she’d be, no don’t gloat, but put away the tears.

I’m just sick of the fakeness. Let’s take this a step further…since her death Bobby Brown has been getting raked over the coals. He’s been blamed for everything wrong Whitney ever did. He’s being held responsible for every one of her dreams that fell apart. He’s one discovered angry text message away from “Freddy Krueger” status. So if something happens to him soon I don’t want to see these same people all teary-eyed breaking out their old New Edition t-shirts singing, “Tender Roni”! If I was Bobby, I’d be flipping the world more birds than KFC.

Sony Music & Apple recently caught backlash because they started a campaign to “honor” Whitney Houston. Making sure she was all over the radio and internet. It was then found out that 30 minutes after she was pronounced dead they raised the price of her music on itunes. Ain’t that a b*tch?!?

This moment is about addressing our two-faced society. Keep it real, I honestly feel people would accept a helping hand or a giving heart easier if they believed that more people were genuine. How much would you trust a group that made a fortune off of someone’s pain then turned around, crying wishing things didn’t happen that way? Or “friends” that publicly ridiculed you then called you an inspiration? Own your judgments or don’t make them! Can we please put an end to the b.s., fakeness, and Bitchassness?!?

As for Whitney Houston, don’t disrespect her spirit with the nonsense. My only request is, before you pay tribute and go into your rendition of “I Will Always Love You” only do it if you truly loved her.

Rest In Peace Whitney Houston.


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