Thursday, January 5, 2012

She's Your Queen To-Be...

Eddie Murphy is arguably one of the top stand-up comedians of all time. Taking the baton from the likes of Flip Wilson, Redd Foxx & Richard Pryor he owned the 80’s & 90’s as a premiere comic talent. Not only was his stand-up phenomenal he was an actor as well. Filming and starring not only on television but a list of films. One of his best movies to date is “Coming To America”.

It’s the story of an African prince “Akeem of Zamunda”. (Played by Eddie) On Akeem’s 21st birthday he was to follow through with his arranged marriage to a woman he had never met. Not a fan of living life just to fulfill tradition Akeem was apprehensive. His fears were legitimized when he met his bride to be only to find that she had been groomed for him with no mind of her own. Akeem told his father, the king that he had no desire to marry her. His father interpreted that as a request to “sow his royal oats”, to sample all the women the world had to offer before marriage, and delayed the wedding. Akeem used that time to go to America to seek out the woman he truly wanted to spend his life with. Now we’re all up to speed…

True America isn’t a land of arranged marriages but we do follow some of the ways of Zamunda. Often we as men have a woman that is ready to be our queen. She is willing to postpone her own ambitions to help us with ours. She’ll overlook our flaws for the big picture of being together. She’ll even sacrifice a little of herself if it means giving to us and making the relationship work…and how do we repay her? We set off to “sow our royal oats”.

Yes in true princely fashion we embark on our own personal journey of fornication, fun & festivities. First of all I am a true proponent that a man shouldn’t settle down until he is truly ready. Don’t drag a woman and her feelings through your little attempt to find yourself. If that’s not the case and you tell a woman she’s the one and you mean it…that’s it! Turn in your player card and retire your jersey. You are officially out of the game!

We as men have this very bad habit of waiting until we’ve found the right woman before we formally close out with all of the wrong ones. Why? We know Miss Wrong when we see her, usually by trial and error. But there is this insane need to go back to the well one more time to be “sure”. Meanwhile our Queen-To-Be waits in the wings usually oblivious to our master plan.

I am the first one to stamp “personal responsibility” on any situation. I believe we are all accountable for our actions as individuals. My issue here is not only with the man…but with the women! Yes there are so many of you ladies (and I use the term loosely) that are willingly to play the role of “the last hoorah!” You will know of the woman ready to be his Miss Right & will settle for being his Miss Right Now. Why? Where is it that you feel you benefit? He’s not going to leave her, & if he did would you really want him? You already know what he’s capable of…

Look a man will tell you whatever he needs to in order to close the deal: “We’re not getting along”, “She doesn’t understand me”, “We barely talk”, “We don’t even have sex”, “I’m just with her for the baby” whatever it takes. Also understand, this isn’t a knock to Miss Queen-To-Be, she can statistically be perfect…he’ll still cheat. It’s not a circumstantial thing it’s a character issue. Ladies please burn this into your brain and memory: MEN DO NOT NEED A REASON TO CHEAT…JUST AN OPTION. If he’s going to do it, he’s going to do it. If you’re one of the ladies knowingly auditioning for the late night role of “receptacle” just know that feint annoying sound you hear in the distance is the whistle from the “Karma Train”…it never misses a stop and is never late. Just a heads-up.

Akeem came to America to find his Queen. To find that woman that regardless of royalty or titles he saw as his equal, his counterpart to love. A woman that would rule beside him and eventually he found her. Gentlemen if you’re lucky enough to find that queen have enough sense to appreciate her. Or simply man up and tell her you’re not ready. As funny as “Coming To America” is there’s nothing funny about the damage and emotional destruction done after wronging someone on that level.

Men, before the panic sets in thinking about not being with any other women for the rest of our lives we need to focus on the notion that it’s not about predicting the future but about remembering the past. Remembering why it didn’t work with any of those priors or why we never pursued those other women in the first place. Then remember what are lives were like without the one we chose to settle down with. It’ll be okay.

The movie of our lives doesn’t end in a search or a question…but with a Queen.

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  1. Comments left on my Facebook page:

    "Very well written! Couldn't have said it better. A huge reason why commitment can be scary for good men and women and one of the many reasons why divorce occurs more than 50 percent of the time. Thank you for this one" -C.B.

  2. "Love this, I am reposting :)" - A.C.

  3. "Love it. Always right on time fam!!" -J.B.