Monday, February 27, 2012

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Girlfriends

This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we're looking at, “Girlfriends”.

Now I know you may think I’m talking about relationships, well I am, just not of the man/woman kind. That’s right, this isn’t about “boy meets girl” or even an “Ellen” situation. This is about that bond between women, that sorority, that sisterhood…girlfriends.

This is something that has always amazed and astounded me, the interaction between women. My whole life I’ve heard women swear on everything they love that their girlfriends are everything to them. Those friendships are the cornerstone of their stability and sometimes their best friend is more of a sister than their actual sibling. Men come and go but that friend will always be there to see them through. I’ve "heard" it my whole life but when it comes to seeing it... few and far between.

Oh now don’t get upset thinking I don’t recognize how women can come together. How you ladies can bond on a subject, movement, or belief is something to be marveled. You’re ability to forge through exceptional degrees of pain and strife and come out on top is something to be heralded and championed. You are capable of those 40yr friendships where you’re 80 yrs old sitting around the table like a scene from “The Golden Girls”. The only issue is, though you women can love, bond, and support each other there will always be a consistent and plaguing problem. The fundamental flaw with a relationship involving just women is…you are all women!

We’re pouring coffee and not the General Foods International kind. No Jean-Luc today. Sip slow.

The defining reason why women have been yet to be taken as seriously as they should, whether in the work place or by men in general is simple. No it’s not because men are threatened or intimidated by you. It’s that we don’t believe you, and oddly enough…you don’t either. You all will praise the accomplishments of a woman and in the same breath cut her down to the marrow.

A woman’s harshest critic and natural enemy is another woman! You can try to sugar coat it with your “Waiting To Exhale” moments but deep down, you all don’t even like each other! Oh yes a female friendship is the most beautiful, sensitive, endearing, supportive, co-dependent, diabolical, back-stabbing, shady existence…and you know it…and we know it too. You want us men to cosign for some ish that you don’t even subscribe to. In the words of Puff Daddy…eh, eh.

Women relationships are bi-polar at best to a man. Ladies take any friendship you’ve had with a woman that is longer than a year. (Some of you have to check out of the discussion right now because you don’t keep them that long) In a female friendship lasting over a year an average week is seen as complete lunacy to us. All of the emotions and hormones make it hard for us to keep up. We see it as crazy… When you describe your friendships to us its as hard to follow as translating German to Japanese. An example of a week in a woman’s friendship world…

Monday- “She’s my best friend.”
Tuesday- “I trust her with my life...just not my man.”
Wednesday- “I can’t hang with her, she’s messy”
Thursday- “I’ve had her back since day 1.”
Friday- “I can’t believe she did that!”
Saturday- “No man can come between us.”
Sunday- “F*ck that b*tch!”

Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe men are better. We are however far less complex. A man’s intentions are pretty transparent and since we as men know what each man is capable of we assume all men are suspect, and a potential predator. It’s accepted and understood.

Which brings us to the introduction of the opposite sex…men are no angels in the pursuit of pleasure. We will lie, and deceive on every level for sex…but to her! Men are pretty good about keeping it real when it pertains to other men. Lying isn’t necessary because ultimately she’s at fault in our eyes. Since we’re so ego driven, another man’s woman isn’t a “keeper”, we’ll sleep with her and pretty much give her back. Scandalous I know. Like I said it’s the woman who is blamed so the men can ultimately be friends afterwards. (See “Ain’t No Fun”) A man’s world is shady and poorly lit.

Women however try to pull a “Manifest Destiny” and “discover” another woman’s man. Oh yes she can be introduced to her girlfriend’s man, and the voyage begins! She’ll get her Columbus on and back stab anyone and everyone to have him, and she’ll try to keep him! Like that’s going to work, but she tries. I have seen best friends, cousins, even sisters destroy relationships in the name of a guy. All that sisterhood is out the window in the pursuit of a “qualified” man. (See “What’s Your Number?”)

This moment was inspired by the women I have witnessed rise to the occasion and be there for their girlfriends and just as easily turn on them. From the women that help their girlfriends get through school to the ones that hated on them after they received a promotion. The ones that nursed them through illnesses, pregnancies and heart break to the ones that left them at the club, lied on them in public and slept with their man. Girlfriends doing everything from holding their girl’s hair back after a night of too much drinking, having to play the role of cock blocker (Even if it costs them their own fun) to maybe even having to swing on someone to protect their girl. All the way to the ones that talk ish, dry snitch, and blatantly hate. I appreciate and salute you.

Just a note, we men listen to what you say, believe it or not. If you tell us you run with great positive beautiful women, we appreciate your security and the company you keep. But if you have nothing but negative things to say about your friends we look at that too. Birds of a feather…

Ladies cherish those friendships because men will come and go. You out live us anyway so those friendships will be crucial later in life, and it’s much better to look forward to being a “Golden Girl” than a "Rusty Broad".

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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Keeping It Real Pt.2 (Whitney Houston Edition)

This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we’re looking at “Keeping It Real Pt 2 (Whitney Houston Edition)”.

Now “Keeping It Real” was addressed previously in respects to being ourselves. The idea of being and acting how we want to regardless of what other people think or might say, was the message. Not feeling the need to conform to everyone else’s thoughts, ideas or trends. Though those statements still hold true, we’re shining the light on a different area today.

Recently the world lost an iconic figure. Singer and superstar Whitney Houston died at the age of 48 from yet to be determined circumstances. She was a Grammy Award winning singer, sold millions of albums, starred in several movies even set the bar with her performance of the National Anthem at Super Bowl XXV. She inspired millions and was the prototype for generations of singers to follow. Her death was a blow felt by many. Her funeral service was a global phenomenon and will be discussed for years to come.

For all of her talent, achievements and accolades these aren’t the things Whitney Houston has been known for over the last decade. She has been the butt of countless jokes. Her drug abuse has been compared to the likes of Charlie Sheen and her tumultuous relationship with ex husband Bobby Brown was coined, “The new Ike & Tina”. People have been insulting and passing judgment on her for years. Now that she has passed she is once again in the world’s good graces. It’s been a while since our last cup but fear not there’s an ice cold pot ready to go…

First of all I believe Whitney deserves every bit of acclaim for what she accomplished in her lifetime. I take nothing away from her talents or to the degree in which she inspired so many. My issue is with everyone else. That’s right, everyone else who called her a crack head. Everyone else who did late-night talk show monologues describing her dysfunctions. Everyone else who performed comedy skits of her getting beat up and then running to the pipe. There were even betting pools on when she would die and of what cause? All of those people who are now shedding tears.

When did it become okay to drag someone’s name and character through the mud in life and think that’s fine as long as you praise them after death? Be real! If you hate someone, own it! If all of the people showed her this amount of love in life maybe it would have been easier for her to deal with some of her demons. Or stay true to your beliefs. If you feel that “the train wasn’t late” and she ended up exactly where you thought she’d be, no don’t gloat, but put away the tears.

I’m just sick of the fakeness. Let’s take this a step further…since her death Bobby Brown has been getting raked over the coals. He’s been blamed for everything wrong Whitney ever did. He’s being held responsible for every one of her dreams that fell apart. He’s one discovered angry text message away from “Freddy Krueger” status. So if something happens to him soon I don’t want to see these same people all teary-eyed breaking out their old New Edition t-shirts singing, “Tender Roni”! If I was Bobby, I’d be flipping the world more birds than KFC.

Sony Music & Apple recently caught backlash because they started a campaign to “honor” Whitney Houston. Making sure she was all over the radio and internet. It was then found out that 30 minutes after she was pronounced dead they raised the price of her music on itunes. Ain’t that a b*tch?!?

This moment is about addressing our two-faced society. Keep it real, I honestly feel people would accept a helping hand or a giving heart easier if they believed that more people were genuine. How much would you trust a group that made a fortune off of someone’s pain then turned around, crying wishing things didn’t happen that way? Or “friends” that publicly ridiculed you then called you an inspiration? Own your judgments or don’t make them! Can we please put an end to the b.s., fakeness, and Bitchassness?!?

As for Whitney Houston, don’t disrespect her spirit with the nonsense. My only request is, before you pay tribute and go into your rendition of “I Will Always Love You” only do it if you truly loved her.

Rest In Peace Whitney Houston.

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Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Valentine's Day (The Remix)

Often in our culture we look to songs, tv, & movies to help us express what we’re feeling inside. If you’re of my generation you can remember making mixtapes for that “special someone”. A compilation of songs that said everything you were thinking. Now this is where I’m going to date myself, back then we would have the cassette, yes I said cassette, ready. The record and pause button pressed ready to snatch “that” song off the radio from the very beginning. It was like having our very own Shakespeare delivered via Babyface. And how many of us remember that feeling when we received one? Playing it over and over again until the tape snapped. As we get older we become better versed at communication and our ability to express ourselves, but sometimes there are still those moments where someone else says it just a little bit better.

I’ve found that I quote more movies than music these days. Probably because of the visuals attached to it seem to resonate with me more. That phrase said at just the right tone at the right time comes across timeless on the screen. I’m a fan of that smooth yet direct tone. Nothing quite like that “Denzel delivery” or some Samuel L Jackson passion, they have an ability to just make their point stick. But sometimes I’ll hear something from someone that comes from an unlikely source.

We just celebrated Valentine’s Day this year and something stood out to me. Now we all know single ladies that we think should be with someone. They have a great “relationship credit score”, (See ‘What’s Your Number’) but they’re alone or with subpar dudes. This year stood out because I can’t remember the last time that this many great women were single. This isn’t a “let’s get the ladies on my side” moment. I’m being honest. So the question I’ve been asking myself is, why?

Are there just all of these women focusing on their own lives and careers putting love on the back burner or are we as men just not putting out an in demand product? If so, when did single beat out suspect? Women for centuries have taken a man that maybe wasn’t everything he could be and invested in him, are more ladies tired of the “farm team” approach and are waiting for the finished product? If you know me or this blog you know that I scream personal responsibility, so if a man is alone because women are refusing to settle that’s his own bad. However if women are remaining single because they just don’t believe anymore that’s different.

What I mean is, if you ladies no longer feel like there are good men out there and would rather be alone that’s a scary thought. Just so you know…there are still some good quality single men…that do like women. As in the original need for the mixtape, sometimes it’s more of a communication issue. There are a lot of good men that don’t have a lot of experience with women. Good men may have an issue approaching you and the wrong ones that do often say the wrong things. You have to understand that in some cases the higher we see and put you the more likely we are to say something stupid. True this is not your problem, we just ask for your understanding.

This moment was inspired by Valentine’s Day and how it helped me to reflect on my life and some of the wonderful women I’ve known. Women that have helped me to grow and be a better person, their patience allowed me to get out of my own way and effectively express what I’m thinking or feeling.

All of this made me think of a line from this movie. No it wasn’t said by Sam, Denzel or Will it came from Owen Wilson; “True love is defined as the souls recognition of its counterpoint in another'?” What I got from this was it’s not a question of finding the perfect person, just the perfect person for you. Don’t worry they’re out there.

And gentlemen if you still find yourselves at a loss for words, good news…mp3 players are so much easier to record on.

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