Monday, February 27, 2012

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Girlfriends

This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we're looking at, “Girlfriends”.

Now I know you may think I’m talking about relationships, well I am, just not of the man/woman kind. That’s right, this isn’t about “boy meets girl” or even an “Ellen” situation. This is about that bond between women, that sorority, that sisterhood…girlfriends.

This is something that has always amazed and astounded me, the interaction between women. My whole life I’ve heard women swear on everything they love that their girlfriends are everything to them. Those friendships are the cornerstone of their stability and sometimes their best friend is more of a sister than their actual sibling. Men come and go but that friend will always be there to see them through. I’ve "heard" it my whole life but when it comes to seeing it... few and far between.

Oh now don’t get upset thinking I don’t recognize how women can come together. How you ladies can bond on a subject, movement, or belief is something to be marveled. You’re ability to forge through exceptional degrees of pain and strife and come out on top is something to be heralded and championed. You are capable of those 40yr friendships where you’re 80 yrs old sitting around the table like a scene from “The Golden Girls”. The only issue is, though you women can love, bond, and support each other there will always be a consistent and plaguing problem. The fundamental flaw with a relationship involving just women is…you are all women!

We’re pouring coffee and not the General Foods International kind. No Jean-Luc today. Sip slow.

The defining reason why women have been yet to be taken as seriously as they should, whether in the work place or by men in general is simple. No it’s not because men are threatened or intimidated by you. It’s that we don’t believe you, and oddly enough…you don’t either. You all will praise the accomplishments of a woman and in the same breath cut her down to the marrow.

A woman’s harshest critic and natural enemy is another woman! You can try to sugar coat it with your “Waiting To Exhale” moments but deep down, you all don’t even like each other! Oh yes a female friendship is the most beautiful, sensitive, endearing, supportive, co-dependent, diabolical, back-stabbing, shady existence…and you know it…and we know it too. You want us men to cosign for some ish that you don’t even subscribe to. In the words of Puff Daddy…eh, eh.

Women relationships are bi-polar at best to a man. Ladies take any friendship you’ve had with a woman that is longer than a year. (Some of you have to check out of the discussion right now because you don’t keep them that long) In a female friendship lasting over a year an average week is seen as complete lunacy to us. All of the emotions and hormones make it hard for us to keep up. We see it as crazy… When you describe your friendships to us its as hard to follow as translating German to Japanese. An example of a week in a woman’s friendship world…

Monday- “She’s my best friend.”
Tuesday- “I trust her with my life...just not my man.”
Wednesday- “I can’t hang with her, she’s messy”
Thursday- “I’ve had her back since day 1.”
Friday- “I can’t believe she did that!”
Saturday- “No man can come between us.”
Sunday- “F*ck that b*tch!”

Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe men are better. We are however far less complex. A man’s intentions are pretty transparent and since we as men know what each man is capable of we assume all men are suspect, and a potential predator. It’s accepted and understood.

Which brings us to the introduction of the opposite sex…men are no angels in the pursuit of pleasure. We will lie, and deceive on every level for sex…but to her! Men are pretty good about keeping it real when it pertains to other men. Lying isn’t necessary because ultimately she’s at fault in our eyes. Since we’re so ego driven, another man’s woman isn’t a “keeper”, we’ll sleep with her and pretty much give her back. Scandalous I know. Like I said it’s the woman who is blamed so the men can ultimately be friends afterwards. (See “Ain’t No Fun”) A man’s world is shady and poorly lit.

Women however try to pull a “Manifest Destiny” and “discover” another woman’s man. Oh yes she can be introduced to her girlfriend’s man, and the voyage begins! She’ll get her Columbus on and back stab anyone and everyone to have him, and she’ll try to keep him! Like that’s going to work, but she tries. I have seen best friends, cousins, even sisters destroy relationships in the name of a guy. All that sisterhood is out the window in the pursuit of a “qualified” man. (See “What’s Your Number?”)

This moment was inspired by the women I have witnessed rise to the occasion and be there for their girlfriends and just as easily turn on them. From the women that help their girlfriends get through school to the ones that hated on them after they received a promotion. The ones that nursed them through illnesses, pregnancies and heart break to the ones that left them at the club, lied on them in public and slept with their man. Girlfriends doing everything from holding their girl’s hair back after a night of too much drinking, having to play the role of cock blocker (Even if it costs them their own fun) to maybe even having to swing on someone to protect their girl. All the way to the ones that talk ish, dry snitch, and blatantly hate. I appreciate and salute you.

Just a note, we men listen to what you say, believe it or not. If you tell us you run with great positive beautiful women, we appreciate your security and the company you keep. But if you have nothing but negative things to say about your friends we look at that too. Birds of a feather…

Ladies cherish those friendships because men will come and go. You out live us anyway so those friendships will be crucial later in life, and it’s much better to look forward to being a “Golden Girl” than a "Rusty Broad".

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