Often in our culture we look to songs, tv, & movies to help us express what we’re feeling inside. If you’re of my generation you can remember making mixtapes for that “special someone”. A compilation of songs that said everything you were thinking. Now this is where I’m going to date myself, back then we would have the cassette, yes I said cassette, ready. The record and pause button pressed ready to snatch “that” song off the radio from the very beginning. It was like having our very own Shakespeare delivered via Babyface. And how many of us remember that feeling when we received one? Playing it over and over again until the tape snapped. As we get older we become better versed at communication and our ability to express ourselves, but sometimes there are still those moments where someone else says it just a little bit better.
I’ve found that I quote more movies than music these days. Probably because of the visuals attached to it seem to resonate with me more. That phrase said at just the right tone at the right time comes across timeless on the screen. I’m a fan of that smooth yet direct tone. Nothing quite like that “Denzel delivery” or some Samuel L Jackson passion, they have an ability to just make their point stick. But sometimes I’ll hear something from someone that comes from an unlikely source.
We just celebrated Valentine’s Day this year and something stood out to me. Now we all know single ladies that we think should be with someone. They have a great “relationship credit score”, (See ‘What’s Your Number’) but they’re alone or with subpar dudes. This year stood out because I can’t remember the last time that this many great women were single. This isn’t a “let’s get the ladies on my side” moment. I’m being honest. So the question I’ve been asking myself is, why?
Are there just all of these women focusing on their own lives and careers putting love on the back burner or are we as men just not putting out an in demand product? If so, when did single beat out suspect? Women for centuries have taken a man that maybe wasn’t everything he could be and invested in him, are more ladies tired of the “farm team” approach and are waiting for the finished product? If you know me or this blog you know that I scream personal responsibility, so if a man is alone because women are refusing to settle that’s his own bad. However if women are remaining single because they just don’t believe anymore that’s different.
What I mean is, if you ladies no longer feel like there are good men out there and would rather be alone that’s a scary thought. Just so you know…there are still some good quality single men…that do like women. As in the original need for the mixtape, sometimes it’s more of a communication issue. There are a lot of good men that don’t have a lot of experience with women. Good men may have an issue approaching you and the wrong ones that do often say the wrong things. You have to understand that in some cases the higher we see and put you the more likely we are to say something stupid. True this is not your problem, we just ask for your understanding.
This moment was inspired by Valentine’s Day and how it helped me to reflect on my life and some of the wonderful women I’ve known. Women that have helped me to grow and be a better person, their patience allowed me to get out of my own way and effectively express what I’m thinking or feeling.
All of this made me think of a line from this movie. No it wasn’t said by Sam, Denzel or Will it came from Owen Wilson; “True love is defined as the souls recognition of its counterpoint in another'?” What I got from this was it’s not a question of finding the perfect person, just the perfect person for you. Don’t worry they’re out there.
And gentlemen if you still find yourselves at a loss for words, good news…mp3 players are so much easier to record on.
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