Monday, April 30, 2012

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Hoe Economics

This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we're looking at, “Hoe Economics”.

Most of us learned about Economics in at least some capacity in high school. We learned the basic principles of supply and demand. That the value of something is greatly based on the number of people that want it and how accessible it is to obtain. Now the same basic principle applies in pretty much all areas of life. But one often overlooked department is in our relationships.

Oh yes supply and demand plays a huge part in our hunt for a potential mate. The ratio of quality men/women directly effects behavior and in most cases tolerance. If a city has a 3:1 female to male ratio, the supply and demand drastically favors men. Even unqualified men (See “What’s Your Number?”) can easily find themselves in a position of power just based on a lack of other options. Sucks for you ladies…I know.

Actually in most cases women outnumber men in large cities which causes a secondary issue for them…value. Now before you get on one of those “I don’t need a man to tell me what I’m worth” tangents…you’re right. Men don’t dictate a woman’s worth, other women do. Probably not the way you’d think though.

This is where the condensation gets real thick on the outside of that mug.

Quality women; intelligent, responsible, classy, dependable, and together are who set the standard. But hoes set the marketplace. That may take a second so think about it. Don’t worry, I’ll wait…

That’s right a woman that is for all intensive purposes the definition of style and grace is what sets the standard for what we as men view a woman to potentially be, however, the value meaning what we’ll compromise, concede to, work for and tolerate to be with her is set by the actions of hoes. Yes those loud, trashy, messy, sloppy, ratchet ass females are your “Dow Jones!” If you hate the current “economy” they’re the ones you have to get in check!

True a man should be responsible for his actions and demand more out of his woman…that sounded funny to me just typing. It’s like this; a Ferrari may be viewed as the epitome of excellence in an automobile. In its speed, handling, efficiency etc it is seen as the standard. Now think, how many people drive Ferraris? So you see Ferrari may be the standard, but Ford sets the marketplace. Time to take another swig of this ice cold reality…

Ladies these low budget, duct tape covered, bungee cord using, Bondo filled Ford “Escorts” are messing up your program. Men are viewing Ferrari’s more and more from possibly being unattainable to unnecessary. These hoes out here are devaluing your “commodity” by giving it away for nothing like the government printing up worthless money! You ladies know it, there is a recession on good men for you. Guys are holding out because like the housing market, these hoes keep lowering and lowering their prices. Men are waiting to “buy” and are simply “renting” for rock bottom prices!

If you want any form of recovery these hoes must be stopped! There is a great depression a brewing for you ladies. Hoes have put so little value on themselves that men have begun to dictate the pace and structure of the relationship. Always remember, men are all about the lowest common denominator, maximize pleasure/minimize pain. We will keep you and several others around forever with no ring or real commitment if allowed. We are not the ones to be at the wheel. Hoes are handing over the keys just to be in the game. As a man I’m telling you we have no business setting the timeline, tone or pace of a relationship. Men don’t choose women, women choose men. As this shift continues it’s going to be looking the 20’s all over again.

Trickle down economics favors “Bottom Bitches” (See “Pimps Up, Love Down”) if you ladies are trying to be wives and bring back your market value…get these hoes in check and bring back the gold standard.

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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Love, Smokey, & Mirrors

It has been said that, “music has charms to soothe a savage breast.” Meaning that music has the ability to embrace and touch the roughest of souls. We know this to be true. Think of how often we use music to change and set our entire demeanor. We have music to clean the house to, what we play while we’re getting ready to go out partying, go on long road trips, to relax and unwind, and of course…”Mr. Nasty Time!” Yes music speaks to our very spirit.

One subject that always finds its way to music…is love. Love in all its forms has been the inspiration for a many a song. True love, precious love yes even unrequited love have flooded our radio station air waves for decades. I heard one song in particular that really made me think. Based on our views on love now, how would it be interpreted today? The author…one Smokey Robinson.

“I don’t like you, but I love you. Seems that I’m always thinking of you…you treat me badly, I love you madly…you’ve really got a hold on me.”

Now in today’s world this would be the soundtrack to an abusive relationship! We have become so far removed from the simple language of love that we dissect and try to interpret everything. This song would describe a relationship filled with turmoil, pain and probably violence. A scene straight from “Sleeping With The Enemy“ or possibly the first 50 minutes of “What’s Love Got To Do With It?“ We’d be looking for yellow police tape and this would be the attacker’s note left at the crime scene. So when did we go from the era of being a slave to love to jumping to the idea that someone is being a victim in life?

“I don’t want you, but I need you. Don’t want to kiss you, but I need to…you do me wrong now, my love is strong now…you’ve really got a hold on me.”

Fatal attraction anyone? This just screams of a 3 am phone call from the mistress! Make sure you do a “bunny check”. Or possibly “A Thin Line Between Love & Hate” moment…watch that toaster! The upside maybe it's a "Sugar Daddy/Momma" relationship, no fiancee but possibly a financier.

“I want to leave you, don’t want to stay here. Don’t want to spend another day here…I want to split now, I can’t quit now…you’ve really got a hold on me.”

It puts the lotion on the skin…

My point is, first in no way do I condone domestic violence or any other form of an abusive relationship. Dominating or terrorizing someone has nothing to do with love. Smokey wrote this in the 60’s, a period that boasted deep felt emotion and embraced the idea of expressing what love meant to people. Relationships weren’t perfect then. Sure there was infidelity, lying, addictions and everything else we have now, but something I think we’ve lost a lot of is that belief in love.

That, “you get on my nerves so bad, but there isn’t anyone else I would rather have annoy me“, “yeah he’s an ugly man, but he’s so ugly he’s cute”, “she can’t cook but two meals and they’re both bad, but I eat it, kiss her, and tell her I love it every time” kind of love. No it may not be that Dr. Phil definition of love, but it’s a “feeling” love.

A feeling of, “I want you”. That you are the one and there is no other person I want to be with…regardless. Today we’d tell this person they were wrong and had low self esteem or something along those lines, why? Why do we need to tell someone that fairy tales don‘t exist? Even when we see it we automatically shift to, “it’s not real”. Why can’t we allow them to want to be someone’s everything? Are we so jaded as a society that we believe all love is tainted? That if you’re under the age of 40 that “grandma/grandpa love” no longer exists?

Without that belief we damn near do scouting reports on potential mates based on everything but how we feel about them. Not expecting a “forever” situation we look at “best case scenarios” for when it ends. Do they have money? Do they look like they will produce attractive children? Do they seem like they’ll flip out and go crazy if we leave them? These questions have become part of the standard dating questionnaire.

The friends that song reminds me of all have something in common…they still believe in love. They may still need a little work in the proper partner picking department but they believe all the same…and I believe they will find it. Love isn’t about ego. It requires a degree of vulnerability, an honesty. We love to talk people out of that emotional honesty, usually because we’re too afraid to do it ourselves. We over think and analyze things so much that it creates a distrust and a pain probability. Don’t be stupid, but like another song sometimes, “you got have faith.”

Let’s work on getting out of our own ways, by not holding on to past mistakes and fears. True we should learn from the past, just remember that you’ll never see what’s in front of you if you’re only looking back.

So maybe we need to interpret less, open up more and keep it as simple as Smokey…


“I love you and all I want you to do is just hold me…you’ve really got a hold on me.”

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Sunday, April 15, 2012

Who's Thirsty!?!

Picture this: It’s 3pm, the sun is high and it’s a blazing 112 degrees in the middle of the Mojave desert. You see someone stumbling down the side of a sand dune draped in a 40 pound all black cloak. With eyes glazed, lips dry and chapped and a clear look of desperation they gaze upon…a Slurpee! Now at that moment they are ready to beg, steal, borrow and even kill for a drink…ladies and gentlemen…this is “thirsty”.

But you already knew that, what you may not have known is that “thirsty” individuals are everywhere and I’m not just talking about being dehydrated. Thirsty, is a term used for someone that is desperate, eager or trying way to hard. You know the type; the guy that stalks a woman at the nightclub much similar to a hyena after a lame gazelle. You’ve seen him; drooling, glossy eyed and working that syncopated pant and pelvic thrust. Or maybe it’s the woman at your job that pursues her co-worker like he owes her child support. She greets him as he walks in the door, brings him baked goods, offers to do his work for him and always seems to work her itinerary into the conversation to let him know she’s free. Yes there are a lot of parched folks out there…or are they?

We have become such an ego based society that the mere idea of looking desperate or in some cases even interested is frowned upon. The thought of making our intentions known and potentially being left twisting in the wind is terrifying at best to some. When did we become so scared? And to take it a step further, we ridicule those not afraid. Oh we can’t wait to blast the guy who lays it all out and gets rejected. You can hear the shouts of “Aww!” “Damn!” And “Ohhhhh!” from across the room like a boxing match is on. We celebrate the execution of their romantic advances like a gladiator fight! But why are the ones unafraid to be emotionally honest in the wrong?

In a society so riddled with single, lonely and unhappy people why is it so bad to try? I’m not saying to be a fool for love or to put obsessive, unwarranted advances of psychotic stalking on someone. Also don't be someone's door mat or allow yourself to be taken advantage of, but it is okay to be direct...not hyena...direct. Honestly more relationships would happen and work out if they began with a clear understanding. Not just “hanging out” and having sex until we’re “technically” together. Clearly stating interest and intentions gets everyone on the same page.

It’s hard out there, I know, but we can’t win if we’re not in the game. We can’t be hung up on how embarrassing it is to strike out we have to remember how amazing it is to hit the home run! That feeling of trekking through the desert can seem unbearable it’s the pure bliss that comes from that first sip of the Slurpee that makes it all worth it. So in the great words of “The Most Interesting Man In The World”, “stay thirsty my friends.”

Because I’d rather run the risk of appearing thirsty to be happy…then to be refreshingly lonely.

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Thursday, April 5, 2012

Give Me 10: Top 10 Reasons Why You Get The Side Eye!

THE SIDE EYE-
A facial expression expressing one's criticism, disapproval, animosity, or scorn of varying levels of intensity towards another person.

Give me 10: 10 reasons, examples or indicators of a certain behavior. Take the time to use the checklist…you may need to check yourself. Today‘s list: The Top 10 Reasons Why You Get The Side Eye!

#10 You’re spotted shopping at the mall by the person you still owe money to.

#9 You bring a different man/woman to Thanksgiving, Xmas, New Year’s & now Easter & get mad when they’re called the wrong name.

#8 “I was just about to call you.”

#7 Tattooing someone else’s First name on you when you don’t know their Middle name.

#6 “Damn! I forgot my wallet at home.”

#5 Grown man…skinny jeans.

#4 You’re on your second boyfriend by your third trimester.

#3 “Sexy” bathroom cell phone pics…with children in the background.

#2 Lace fronts.

…And the #1 Reason Why You Get The Side Eye…

“I'm not racist...but...”

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