Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Real Stories Of Bitchassness:Pt 1

The stories you are about to read are real. Nothing was changed for entertainment purposes or to protect the "innocent". These are real accounts...these are real events...these are real stories...of Bitchassness.

So why last night around 11:30pm as I pulled up to an intersection did I see this young lady maybe 18-20 yrs old, struggling to carry what seemed to be an awkwardly heavy wooden table? She was resting the weight on the front of her thighs and would then re-shift the weight and keep moving. Just as I thought about seeing if she needed help she called out to a young man about 20 yards behind her. He too was carrying wooden furniture. It was maybe half the length of an average door. Only he was on a bicycle! Yes he was using the bike like a wheel barrow and was carrying his load with minimal effort. All as he stood by and watched her struggle into the dark...and she was moving faster than he was!

Every part of me felt like gunning it as he crossed the front of my car. I watched her arms tremble as she white-knuckled that table, and he coasted down the hill with ease...Bitchassness.

Same night 30 min later…

I pulled into a 24hr drug store, in the space next to me was a woman barely able to stay awake behind the wheel. Her head was dipping as she looked like she was fighting back sleep. In the backseat, a young child struggling to keep his eyes open in the same fashion. He was in a car seat and looked to have bags under his eyes from exhaustion. Not knowing their story I felt a little bad for them in went into the store. While in line there was a man in front of me. He was buying alcohol & cigarettes. That was all. He purchased his things as did I and we both walked towards the door. He nodded to me and asked, “Having a good night?”

I simply replied, “Yes, and yourself?”

He said, “I’m alright I guess, and if not this will make it better.” As he lifted the jug of cheap liquor. I nodded and we both walked to our cars that were side by side. He opened the passenger side door of the car next to me. The woman looked at him as he got in.

She asked him, “Did you get the formula?”

His response…”I didn’t have enough money left.”

…Bitchassness.

We have got to get this under control. This plague is spreading throughout our schools, jobs, & communities. It is infecting our youth, and crippling our adults. We need to ban together and put an end to this epidemic. These stories may seem funny and entertaining, but it won’t be funny in 30 years when Bitchassness is running the country. Ladies get a hold of these young women and shake some sense into them! Make them aware that they are not to tolerate this nonsense! Men, we need to hook some of these little S.O.B’s by the throat, drill them in their chests and make them learn about true manhood and responsibility!

We must ban together. We must unite against this common enemy. We must put a stop…to Bitchassness.


Creative Commons License This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 Generic License.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Put Me In Coach!

Picture this…a stadium full of thousands of screaming near rabid fans. Two teams battling it out for the championship down to the final few seconds. One team has a tiny lead but the other side has the ball. Frantically the fans await the outcome of this epic duel. The coach calls a time out. The team with the ball is getting their instructions all the while one of its players is screaming for the ball. “Get it to me I’ll be open!” “They’ve been ignoring me I can do it!” “Just give me a chance!” The coach calls the play, the game continues. The play was designed for another teammate…only he didn’t score…they lose. The vocal player just stares at the scoreboard and slams the ball down.

Now maybe we all aren’t into sports, but I think we’ve all had this experience. “Why wouldn’t they just give me a chance?” That feeling of frustration/anger/disappointment at not even being given the opportunity…sucks I know. Though everyone may not be an athlete there is another area of life where this feeling is just as common…love.

Yes that wonderful, beautiful, inspiring, encouraging, depressing, frustrating, disappointing, schizophrenic, amazingly dirty 4 letter word.

Love! The ultimate game, where the winner celebrates like they're going to Disneyland EVERYDAY!

It almost sounds impossible to think that on a planet of 8 billion people that two hearts can come together and fit in perfect harmony. Through all of the shady, murky, foul waters of the dating pond that they can enjoy the pure clear flow of healthy “good love”. It almost feels more likely to win the Lotto. The only thing worse than never finding that someone, is finding that someone who doesn’t find it in you.

Oh we’ve all been there. Finding that amazing man or woman and then seeing the scrub or loser that they chose to be with! That man/woman that lies, cheats, abuses, neglects and disrespects them! We find ourselves internally screaming like that player on the sideline, “Just give me a chance!” But our shouts go unheard. Our advances ignored as the coach of life calls another player’s number…

“Why are they with them? Why do they keep going back? He/She doesn’t really love them? How many times do they need to be beaten or cheated on?” All the thoughts and “semi-haterish” ideas race through our heads as we try to understand on some level why they choose the struggle life over the opportunity for real happiness.

Here’s the thing. I’ve always believed that relationships are like a lock & key. They may look nothing alike on the outside, but the grooves on the key line up perfectly to the tumblers in the lock. They fit for what the other one needs. So when we see a potentially great person latching on to a cancer, that cancer is supplying something for them that they are looking for, healthy or not. In a lot of cases until there is some fundamental shake up the cancer becomes comfortable, and pretty much accepted. Similar to that player that’s been on the team a long time. They’re no longer producing but the team refuses to cut them.

In our perfect world all we need is that one opportunity, that one chance to shine and prove that with us we can win. The sad part and sometimes the hard pill to swallow is acknowledging that maybe this just isn’t the right team for us. We may love the city, the fans, the potential, but we’ll never win the championship here. We need to be where our talents are appreciated and celebrated, not on the bench begging for playing time.

This moment is dedicated to all of the men and women who are sitting the bench waiting for their opportunity to play for a team that doesn’t appreciate their talents. Shaq was good in Orlando, but great as a Laker. LeBron was MVP in Cleveland but won a championship in Miami. Steve Young left Tampa Bay for San Francisco, Brett Favre left Atlanta for Green Bay…sometimes we have to be willing to walk away from what “could be” good now for what “will be” great later. It’s hard, I know, but we’ll be better for it.

And if that other team never realizes what it truly needs to win…well we’re all familiar with the Oakland Raiders…
Creative Commons License This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 Generic License.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Give Me 10: Top 10 Signs That You Just Need To Quit!

Give me 10: 10 reasons, examples or indicators of a certain behavior. Take the time to use the checklist…you may need to check yourself. Life is full of challenges, we all struggle, but sometimes you need to know when to hold ‘em and know when to fold ‘em. Sometimes you just have to walk away and take the “L”. Today’s list: Top 10 Signs That You Just Need To Quit!

#10 You’re 35 still trying to be an NFL “walk on”.

#9 She just cut up and bleached your 3rd new wardrobe.

#8 You’ve been selling drugs for 10 yrs but still don’t have rent money.

#7 You have 4 kids by 4 guys and just turned 25...and are still single.

#6 She’s changed her number, blocked yours, pepper sprayed you, got a restraining order against you…

#5 You got with him and he was childless now he has 3 kids & only 1 is yours.

#4 You and sobriety are like Clark Kent & Superman…never seen at the same time.

#3 Your braids start at the top of your head.

#2 You’ve lost but started every fight you’ve ever been in.

And the #1 Sign That You Just Need To Quit…

You think about something bad happening to your mate…and you smile.

Creative Commons License This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 Generic License.