Thursday, September 20, 2012

A Cold Cup Of Coffee: Defective Vagina

This is a special edition of A Moment With Morris. This is part of an ongoing series I affectionately titled "A Cold Cup of Coffee". Bringing you real life without the sweeteners, a cold and sometimes bitter, but always necessary sip of reality. This time we're looking at, Defective Vagina!

Take this time to prepare yourself for a truly “Cold Cup Moment”…don’t worry…I’ll wait.

“There are no good men out there.” “Men ain’t sh*t!” “All the good ones are gay!” Classic lines all used by women who have yet to find that true love. Through countless horrible relationships plagued by lies, deceit, infidelity & all walks of shadiness women have shouted to the mountain tops that Good Men are as much make believe as the Tooth Fairy. Really?

On a planet of 3.5 BILLION men, there are NO good ones walking around living a heterosexual lifestyle..? Hmmm?

It’s safe to say that we can call BS on that one right now! True there is a good number of men out there not doing much with their lives. They sit around, are unemployed, smoke weed like their last name is Marley, and are working on their PHD in Playstation. Yes these men, and I use the term loosely exist. But what about the others? All of the doctors, engineers, attorneys, school teachers, accountants, garbage men, business owners, counselors etc? All of the married and single straight forward stand up guys? They are real, they do exist. So the question is…why are they not dating you?

Notice I didn’t ask “Why aren’t you dating them?” If you have a past history of dating nothing but losers, scrubs, cheaters, and for all intensive purposes…bad guys…you suffer from what we call…DEFECTIVE VAGINA!

Now before you get all, “My stuff is the bomb!” This isn’t about your sexual “skills” or a hygiene issue. This defect is in your “Quality Penis Navigational System”. Your vagina is defective in its ability to find quality penis with a good man attached to it. Because of this defect, your radar has you in all the wrong places looking for all the wrong people. Like a camper lost without a compass, you will find yourself trekking through this dark world drawn to anything that flickers remotely resembling civilization. Since losers are typically loud and stand out their camp is easiest to stumble by.

Ladies you need to own this defect! There are so many quality men out there. The thing is, REAL MEN and Scrub Dudes don’t run together! Eagles don’t fly with pigeons! So if you repeatedly find yourself in these loser circles…MOVE! LEAVE! BREAK LEFT! Do whatever you have to do! Just get yourself out of Loserville to a more promising circle of men. Also know that your vagina is internal hardware, how you feel about yourself inside and where your head is directly effects the direction and the type of guy you will head for. Got to make sure you're good with YOU first.

One step further, Good Men are forged through fire. We go through enough life to prepare us for how we want to be and who we want to be with. Part of that training is dealing with Defective Vagina. We learn how to properly identify you. We will see you coming and calmly walk the other way.

Now there are two exceptions;

1) Sex. A Good Man will have sex with Defective Vagina, but that’s it. We will classify you as a sleeper…not a keeper.

2) Captain’s. Flying through the city looking for D.V. that wants to be saaaaaaaaaaaavvvvvved.

Ladies there is hope! Many of you are unaware that you possess D.V. now that you know, you can take the necessary steps to fix it. Sometimes you have to abandon the map and just use your eyes. Look at the guys you’re meeting, where you find them and who they run with. Like I said eagles don’t fly with pigeons…If there’s nothing but losers in the circles you travel, get into new circles!

This moment is dedicated to all the women that claim that the reason why they can’t find a good man is because they don’t exist…

No, no, no…it’s you.

Creative Commons License This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 Generic License.

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