Saturday, November 17, 2012

Looking For Mr. Write

“My perfect man would have…”

Ladies you know this one, this is where you fill in the blanks on his height, weight, occupation, ethnicity, etc. Where you describe him to a tee as if you were talking to a police sketch artist to put out an APB for a M-A-N. This isn’t new. You ladies have been doing this since grade school, describing your “Prince Charming”, but alas…still no “Knight in Shining Armor.”

What went wrong? You knew exactly what you wanted, even memorized the recipe. A bit of Will Smith, with a splash of Johnny Depp. Add some Denzel as you blend in some Channing Tatum & Colin Farrell. The Rock here some Justin there…sprinkle in a little Redford & McQueen…5 star cook, well traveled, large income (but humble), great dancer, amazing sense of humor, with a slight accent, romantic, compassionate yet manly…I mean how hard could it be to find him?

See where this is going? First off there is absolutely nothing wrong with visioning what you want. In fact it’s necessary, the important part is to not get too hung up on Mr. Right or should I say Mr. Write? That well documented list of qualifications you’re looking for. There are a lot of women who believe that there are no good men out there. They themselves are attractive, independent, educated and single but can’t seem to find their male counterpart. He’s either an underachiever and she has to groom and build him up, he’s got his stuff together but wants nothing to do with a committed relationship, isn’t into women or is already taken.

My response…sucks doesn’t it? I know that may not be comforting but there is hope. Today’s relationship marketplace is a “Buyer’s Market”, that means it favors men. We have a little more leverage than in the past, especially if we have our stuff together. With Bitchassness running so rampant these days, a man with his stuff together has an insanely high market value. That leads to an increased amount of competition when it comes to you ladies…but fear not…I’m here to help.

Ladies I need you to understand that compromising is not the same as “settling”. You’re not being asked to take a downgraded degree of happiness, just a realistic approach to finding it. Look, most men are not with their “ideal” woman. (Hurts I know) If you asked him to describe his perfect woman; that 5”10, long legged, big booty, tiny waist, flat stomach, double D’s, pretty face, long haired, lady that cooks like his mama with porn star capabilities is most likely not who is on his arm. But if you turned around and asked him if he was happy and in love with the woman he’s with he’d say yes. What she may not be on paper she is in person. He didn’t “settle” he realized what he needs to be happy & found the right person instead of the other way around.

Where we differ as men and women when it comes to finding the “perfect” person is, women fish with a spear where men fish with dynamite. The women who can’t find that “perfect” man are trying to spear one particular fish in the ocean where men just toss a stick of dynamite in the lake and see what floats closest to the boat. Neither is an exact science but men are usually more open because we find things we didn’t know we’d like or need, keep it if it’s good if not throw it back. Where a lot of women are finding themselves standing alone in the boat…waiting.

Men are simple, we’re ego based. Any woman that falls within our “attractive range” that knows how to keep the urges satisfied and that ego inflated 9 times out of 10 is a keeper. You ladies have much more layers. Ladies this is when it’s time to make a P.I.M.P (Protection, Instruction, Management of Priorities) decision. Understand that you having all of your stuff together will have you viewed as potentially problematic to a lot of men. It’s not about being intimidated, many accomplished women come with a degree of arrogance and no man really wants that. Established or not you still need to play your position and get your ego inflating on. I know this may not seem promising or hopeful for some of you…but such is life.

Just as men realize being a man is rooted in responsibility, for you ladies it’s in your compassion and sacrifice. For some of you it means changing in Colin Farrell for Will or a set of 6 pack abs for a heart that beats for you. For as accomplished as some of you women are, you’re not the best in discerning what’s good and what’s good for you. Being Mr. Write doesn’t make him Mr. Perfect.

Ladies the important part to remember is the love. The ones that typically say they can’t find Mr. Write is because they’re hung up on the story not the message. You need to realize when you have that dragon slaying knight in front of you and not disregard him over something like what brand of sword he uses or what model horse he rides.

If you can do that you stand a much better chance of finding that storybook romance…even if his armor isn’t that shiny.

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