Saturday, October 26, 2013

Trickin' For Treats

“Trick or treat!” Yes it’s that time again…

When the streets will be filled with super heroes, cartoon characters, goblins, princesses, etc…it’s Halloween! The time when little kids (and adults) dress up in pursuit of fun. Children go door to door looking for candy and adults head out to the clubs and parties looking for a “sweet thing”.

Now I’m not going to go into the holiday’s origin or any of that stuff, this is just about looking at the “practice.” The practice of “perpetrating for payment.” Oh yes, pretending to be someone or something else all for the purpose of the sweet “come up!”

We’ve all done it; lying on a resume, using that “job interview voice”, spending an extra hour cleaning everything from our house to even ourselves…it happens…and that’s okay. As long as we’re honest with ourselves about doing it.

It seems like what was once an occasional or special event has become part of our day to day lifestyle. Putting on these “costumes” before we walk out into the world with a plan to obtain goodies. Ladies I see more and more of you passing up on the princess or fairy tale costumes and reaching for the more slutty end of your “whoredrobe”. Trying to maximize your take home. Competition has gotten fierce and you women are not trying to return empty handed. You’re out there playing to win and for some of you instead of a “Snickers” or a “Milky Way” you are on a mission for a “Pay Day”.

Men we’re no better. I’m seeing less and less “Knights” & “Kings” walking these streets. A lot of would be Super heroes out here trying to “save them”, and a lot of Clowns coming around with that foolishness. Shout out to the faux ballers masquerading as men of resources out here “trickin’ for treats”.

No one is being their genuine self and we have become a people of “I’ll show you what I got, now give me what I want.”

Can we have a little authenticity please?!? This 365 fakeness has blurred the lines like a Robin Thicke record. We knew who the bad guys/girls were. We knew who to be afraid of. This practice has gotten us to where we don’t know who to trust or what to believe. The Prince is too good to be true and the Devils aren’t as bad as they seem. We don’t even see the wolves in plain sight anymore but we spend all day patting down the sheep. The game has changed and it’s no longer the “Jason’s” or “Freddy’s” that will get you. It is true that you will catch more flies with honey than vinegar so beware. You better keep an eye out for “Alice” and “Snow White” not the “Wicked Witch“.

I understand that it’s exciting to break out of the norm and be a little different, wearing a mask and being “someone else” if even for a little while can be fun. We just can’t do it everyday. Halloween has its appeal because it only comes around once a year. It is something to look forward to and enjoy. However if that’s how we live everyday there becomes no point. What point is the day when we see goblins every trip to the store and monsters on our way to the mailbox?

Kids coming up to you one night a week for candy is cute, but seeing these clowns and jokers with a hand out everyday gets old. Spend a little more time on your craft than your costume.

We are all special unique and wonderful creatures…the real us. I hate to think that we’ve all become so fake that when we’re being ourselves people mistake that for the disguise. So after the 31’st can we put the masks away and hang the costumes up?

This moment is dedicated to all the people that are just as tired of the year long fakeness and would like to see a little more authenticity and appreciation…maybe next month…

…I like Thanksgiving more anyway…

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Saturday, October 12, 2013

An Order Of Parenthood...Hold The Daddy

“Dear Mama”, “I’ll Always Love My Mama”, “Mama You Know I Love You”, in our society we give so much credit and respect to “Mom”. The Mother, the giver of life…the nurturer. A woman sacrifices her mind, body & spirit to the raising, teaching & caring for the life she creates forever. (You may think you’re grown but she’s always Mom) An often thankless job with the occasional high point of appreciation, most of what a Mother does will never even be noticed or acknowledged by the child. If you’re looking to parenthood for the kudos…you may want to try a puppy.

Mother’s are phenomenal true…but they don’t do it alone. No really you don’t.

Father’s have been marginalized in our society to nearly the point of garnish. Yes there are many people that subscribe to the notion that a father is merely the parsley in a child’s development. Ladies you didn’t make the child alone and contrary to what music, movies & t.v. may lead you to believe…you can’t do it alone. Now before you get all, “I’m the Mommy & the Daddy”, no you’re not and here’s why…

A child needs both parents to not only learn how to identify with themselves but their opposite sex parent. A man’s presence or lack there of is applied to the child, even if he’s not there. It ‘s like having an empty seat at the dinner table as opposed to having less seats. You can obviously see someone’s missing and you still have to coordinate your moves based around the empty chair. You actually have to get up to “pass the salt”.

A Father’s presence brings a balance to the child’s life, emotional state, perception and development. Along with that are the practical necessities; in a single parent household the child is often left alone or with “other people”. The risk factor of abuse (sexual, physical, emotional) skyrockets as opposed to a 2 parent household. Don’t get me wrong, you can get abused in that environment too but the % is far lower. Children are less susceptible to predators, drug use and teen pregnancy when Mommy & Daddy are in the house.

All this being said, we all know this stuff. So why bring it up? Recently NFL running back Adrian Peterson of the Minnesota Vikings lost his 2 year old son to violence. No not a drive by shooting, home invasion, or drug dealer…he was beaten to death by his “baby mama’s” boyfriend.

The child showed trauma to his brain and skull which looks like the results of someone being slammed against a floor or wall. The boyfriend has been arrested and is awaiting trial.

My point, Adrian Peterson has lived his life acknowledging the 2 children he lives with. (The son that passed was with a woman he had a brief relationship with. His name was not on the birth certificate and the child used his mother’s last name.) Keep it real she was a side chick, jump off, groupie etc. Adrian would bring his son (Adrian Jr) to practice with him, smiling for the cameras etc. His other son was rarely even acknowledged as being his. His sons were roughly the same age. But just because he loved one woman and not the other that didn’t make one child any less his son.

Now I’m not attempting to say I know on any level what AP is going through, however, I do know a Father’s job is to be a protector and provider. That a man’s place is more than just a check. That goes for the men who just send them AND the women that hold their kids ransom for them! It’s not just about men not being there, some of you ladies who put men on “pay-per-view” status to see their kids. That whole, “He’s not giving me money so he can’t see his kids” nonsense. You hurt the child and you sound stupid when you say that!

I don’t blame AP for the death of his son, I’m just bringing attention to the fact that we need to be there; emotionally, financially & physically for our kids. To protect them and teach them. Ladies that child needs their father…if you can stand him or not…

And Gentlemen, contrary to what “They” may say we’re not garnish. A Father is the other half of the blueprint. We are just as necessary and in some cases more. So DO more and BE more! They need us. And they do have songs for Daddy too…

Being there can mean the difference between being your child’s “Rock” versus “Papa Was A Rolling Stone.”
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Tuesday, August 13, 2013

The Mouse & The Elephant

Far too often in our society we place so much value on the wrong things & sometimes the wrong people. We’ve lost touch of what’s truly important in how we interact with one another, especially when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. Men have been fooled into thinking money, cars & material possessions, are the best…and in some cases the only way to reach another person. We need to return to core male traits & values. This is a fable addressing just that. I give you…

“The Mouse & The Elephant”

C/O Michael Colyar

Once upon a time in the deepest darkest jungles there was a Mouse & an Elephant. The two were the very best of friends. They were always together laughing, joking & playing. One day as the two were strolling through the jungle, the Elephant fell into a giant hole. The Elephant screamed to the Mouse, “Help me! Help me! Pleeeease help me!”

The Mouse replied, “Fear not. I’ll run home and get my car. It’s a Mercedes Benz! I’ll tie your trunk to the bumper and pull you out!” So the mouse ran home as fast as he could. He went into the garage and drove his Mercedes Benz straight to the hole. He tied the Elephant’s trunk to the bumper & pulled him out. The Elephant wrapped the Mouse up in his trunk, giving him the biggest hug and told him they were “best friends!”

A week later the Mouse & Elephant were walking through the same jungle and the Mouse fell into a giant hole. The Mouse screamed, “Help me! Help me! Pleeeeeeease help me!” The Elephant looked down at the Mouse in the hole. He told the Mouse, “Fear not, I’ll put my d*ck in the hole and you can run right up to safety!” So the Mouse stepped back as the Elephant put his d*ck into the hole, & just as he said the Mouse ran right up to safety! The Mouse hugged the Elephant and told him they were “best friends!”

This is a life lesson that all young Men need to be aware of. It can mean the difference between failed relationships, lost loves, squandered money & countless nights of pain. In case you missed it…

The moral of the story…

If you have a big d*ck…

You don’t need a Mercedes Benz!

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Thursday, June 13, 2013

Give Me 10: Top 10 Signs You Are Not Marriage Material!

Give me 10: 10 reasons, examples or indicators of a certain behavior. Take the time to use the checklist…you may need to check yourself. Today‘s list: The Top 10 Signs You Are Not Marriage Material!

#10 You're more clingy than velcro.

#9 You think a man that won’t hit you is a punk.

#8 You’re over 25 & still think sex=love.

#7 You think being honest about the number of kids you have is optional.

#6 You’re still in the closet.

#5 You use the phrase, “I need a man that won’t put up with my sh*t!”

#4 Your number of sexual partners is the same as your credit score.

#3 You think a baby will bring you CLOSER together.

#2 You blame being single on the fact that, “Men are intimidated by you.”

And the #1 Sign That You Are Not Marriage Material…

…You tell yourself, “It’s only cheating if you get caught.”

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Monday, March 25, 2013

Forrest From The Trees

“Life is like a box of chocolates…” We’re all familiar with those famous words muttered on that bus stop by Forrest Gump. A slightly slow yet walking example of “the right place at the right time” as he made his way through life adding to and creating some of the pivotal moments of our country and society.

He wasn’t a smart man as he would put it, but he did know what love was. Jenny, his childhood object of affection was in and out of his life leading up to her passing and including giving birth to their child. Now this isn’t a movie review, this is simply looking at a man who made life as simple as it needed to be.

He was kind to those he met, honest, responsible & he knew who he loved. We make things so complex & complicated especially when it pertains to love. We want to place all of these stipulations, rules, games and unnecessary nonsense in our hearts instead of simply loving who we love.

Granted in this day and age most of us barely know ourselves let alone someone else. We spend so much time trying to “be someone”, to look, speak, act or dress in a way to create and brand an identity that we either forget or never learn how to just be ourselves. Why? Who was so successful at finding happiness this way that they set the trend for such behavior? Who was it that told everyone to make something as simple as love more complicated than translating Japanese to German?

With all of this fakery and projected false imagery of who we are no wonder more and more people are finding themselves alone or in unhappy relationships. Without properly identifying and knowing who we are, how can we possibly expect someone else to see us, know us and love us?

It’s funny, we say “ignorance is bliss” because people of “lesser intelligence” are viewed as not really knowing. That their happiness is the result of being unaware of all the weights of the world & its complexities. Like children, they only see what’s in front of them. But how smart are we if we allow what we “know” to guide us into the mindset of self loathing, insecurity, & doubt? I don’t consider someone “the smart one” because they figured out a way to think themselves out of happiness.

This moment is dedicated to all of the “Gumps” out there that truly know themselves and were smart enough to find and love the ones that they go together with “like peas & carrots.” Because life is like a box of chocolates…

If you stand around and stare at it, thinking, looking, analyzing, wondering it becomes a melted mess of missed opportunity…but if you’re unafraid to learn yourself and trust your heart, it can be amazing…

…“because you never know what you’re gonna get.”

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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

"I Factor"

“It could all be so simple, but you’d rather make it hard…” Lauryn Hill’s “Ex Factor” was the theme song to the plight of the dishearten. Two people that just couldn’t seem to get on the same page and make their troubled love work.

No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy

How do two people so full of addictive energy reach this point? A flourishing unhealthy yet attractive environment. When two people are in that rare moment of inefficient emotion and impractical passion what does it take to fix it or finally end it?

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will

For most of us we may not be going through this “Romeo & Juliet” or maybe “Ike & Tina” kind of love thing but often we find ourselves faced with the choice between what we think and what we feel. When our emotional being can’t conceive deviating from the path that our logical mind doesn’t understand why we’re on in the first place. Struggling as we try to discern the difference between foolishness and fearlessness.

Sometimes we have to be logical and not give into emotional whims, but when do we know when to turn off the brain to be led by the heart…and if that‘s the right thing to do? Lauryn found herself pleading, refusing to let her heart take the “L”.

Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me
There for me, there for me
Said you'd be there for me
Cry for me, cry for me
You said you'd die for me
Give to me, give to me
Why won't you live for me

Sometimes it’s not in the what, but the why? Why are we so determined to make this painful process work?

Here’s the thing…

For many of us we’ll find ourselves on the outside looking in or scratching & clawing to hold on to situations or people that we feel we deserve and need to preserve. The problem, sometimes that circle won’t work into that square peg because it’s not supposed to. It never fits correctly because it doesn’t belong there. We don’t belong there. Even if it feels like we just need this “one thing” to be fixed or changed.

Yes, sometimes the situation does need just “one thing” and sometimes that “one thing” is us. Why we can’t seem to get our thoughts and passions, motives and actions to line up is because we’re not internally lined up. Lauryn was also correct in another song where she stated, “How you gonna win, when you ain’t right within?” If we remove the subject and just make it about us, our brain should be able to process the “pros” and our heart should be able to feel them without rationalization. That “Factor” is actually the equation. We have to “be good” to “do good” to “have good”. Knowing the difference between fulfillment and supplement. Where we’re looking for an addition not a completion. I do believe there is a level of love and passion that can’t be explained…however it also doesn’t have to be excused.

This moment is dedicated to the struggle we face within ourselves. Love & logic aren’t opposites and when we practice both on ourselves decisions often aren’t as complicated as we make them.

“It could all be so simple…”

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Thursday, January 3, 2013

This Is My Year! (No Really This Time)

Oh what a tangled web we weave…when it’s ourselves we try to deceive…

“This is my year”, “Time to get serious”, “I’m all about my business”, etc…from the witty Facebook status’ to the profound Twitter statements you’d think that 2013 is going to be the greatest year in the history of the world! 8 billion people all going to do and be more than they’ve ever been in life! Now let’s turn to chapter 1 of a little book I like to call “Reality.”

Because the reality of it all is, for many this will not be an all star year. You won’t do more and be more, in fact for a large group you’re staring down the barrel of pure struggle for the next 365 days. Sucks I know. You will start this campaign and wage this war. On a mission to bring about the “New You”. Letting everyone who can hear and see you know, that much like the great words of McFadden & Whitehead “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now.” Sorry to break it to you…yes there is.

This isn’t about squashing a dream or assassinating ambition this is being honest. The fact is many of you will not have a better year for one simple reason…the date may be different…but you’re not!

Now before you go all, “But that’s why I’m making a change.” Slow it down there, you and the “Man In The Mirror”.

It’s great to want to better ourselves, it’s also important to remember that change is a verb, it’s an action word. It actually requires a fundamental alteration and that requires more than motivational quotes and Chinese proverbs. I believe it’s important to speak what we want into existence let’s just not spend so much time on finding the right words as opposed to creating the right behaviors.

There are so many people that are amazing at coming up with witty slogans or finding just the right phrases. But as long as your actions don’t match your language you will never be and have what you want!

Understand that if you’re becoming a “new you” you need to actually change to a new you. People who want to lose weight don’t just go to the gym, they start a new lifestyle; diet, exercise, rest…their whole life changes. Becoming a better student isn’t just about studying longer; it requires reading more, meeting with teachers/professors, getting into study groups, cutting back on counter productive behavior. Being a better mate isn’t just about being nicer or more romantic; it means listening, engaging, interacting, showing genuine love, compassion etc…

…and for many…that’s just too much work.

So what do we do? Stop talking! BE the person you want to be! Truly. If you don’t want to try harder…don’t. Stay on your mama’s couch at 35 still putting your name on the orange juice. Just save the countless speeches and rants about how this year will be different. If you don’t want to lose weight…don’t. Keep piling on the pounds getting everything “covered & smothered” & dipped in butter. Just stop posting pics of 6 pack abs and claims to be “working on your fitness”. If you don’t want to be a better mate…don’t. Keep running the streets, lying and being indifferent. Just stop quoting Drake, Will Smith & every romantic E-Card that says everything you DON’T feel. Save the words for those that truly believe them.

This moment is dedicated to the people that want to “talk the talk but not walk the walk”.

I’m not saying don’t try to be a better you…

I’m saying be the REAL you.

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