Wednesday, January 23, 2013

"I Factor"

“It could all be so simple, but you’d rather make it hard…” Lauryn Hill’s “Ex Factor” was the theme song to the plight of the dishearten. Two people that just couldn’t seem to get on the same page and make their troubled love work.

No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy

How do two people so full of addictive energy reach this point? A flourishing unhealthy yet attractive environment. When two people are in that rare moment of inefficient emotion and impractical passion what does it take to fix it or finally end it?

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just can't be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and I'll let go too
'Cause no one's hurt me more than you
And no one ever will

For most of us we may not be going through this “Romeo & Juliet” or maybe “Ike & Tina” kind of love thing but often we find ourselves faced with the choice between what we think and what we feel. When our emotional being can’t conceive deviating from the path that our logical mind doesn’t understand why we’re on in the first place. Struggling as we try to discern the difference between foolishness and fearlessness.

Sometimes we have to be logical and not give into emotional whims, but when do we know when to turn off the brain to be led by the heart…and if that‘s the right thing to do? Lauryn found herself pleading, refusing to let her heart take the “L”.

Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me
There for me, there for me
Said you'd be there for me
Cry for me, cry for me
You said you'd die for me
Give to me, give to me
Why won't you live for me

Sometimes it’s not in the what, but the why? Why are we so determined to make this painful process work?

Here’s the thing…

For many of us we’ll find ourselves on the outside looking in or scratching & clawing to hold on to situations or people that we feel we deserve and need to preserve. The problem, sometimes that circle won’t work into that square peg because it’s not supposed to. It never fits correctly because it doesn’t belong there. We don’t belong there. Even if it feels like we just need this “one thing” to be fixed or changed.

Yes, sometimes the situation does need just “one thing” and sometimes that “one thing” is us. Why we can’t seem to get our thoughts and passions, motives and actions to line up is because we’re not internally lined up. Lauryn was also correct in another song where she stated, “How you gonna win, when you ain’t right within?” If we remove the subject and just make it about us, our brain should be able to process the “pros” and our heart should be able to feel them without rationalization. That “Factor” is actually the equation. We have to “be good” to “do good” to “have good”. Knowing the difference between fulfillment and supplement. Where we’re looking for an addition not a completion. I do believe there is a level of love and passion that can’t be explained…however it also doesn’t have to be excused.

This moment is dedicated to the struggle we face within ourselves. Love & logic aren’t opposites and when we practice both on ourselves decisions often aren’t as complicated as we make them.

“It could all be so simple…”

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Thursday, January 3, 2013

This Is My Year! (No Really This Time)

Oh what a tangled web we weave…when it’s ourselves we try to deceive…

“This is my year”, “Time to get serious”, “I’m all about my business”, etc…from the witty Facebook status’ to the profound Twitter statements you’d think that 2013 is going to be the greatest year in the history of the world! 8 billion people all going to do and be more than they’ve ever been in life! Now let’s turn to chapter 1 of a little book I like to call “Reality.”

Because the reality of it all is, for many this will not be an all star year. You won’t do more and be more, in fact for a large group you’re staring down the barrel of pure struggle for the next 365 days. Sucks I know. You will start this campaign and wage this war. On a mission to bring about the “New You”. Letting everyone who can hear and see you know, that much like the great words of McFadden & Whitehead “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now.” Sorry to break it to you…yes there is.

This isn’t about squashing a dream or assassinating ambition this is being honest. The fact is many of you will not have a better year for one simple reason…the date may be different…but you’re not!

Now before you go all, “But that’s why I’m making a change.” Slow it down there, you and the “Man In The Mirror”.

It’s great to want to better ourselves, it’s also important to remember that change is a verb, it’s an action word. It actually requires a fundamental alteration and that requires more than motivational quotes and Chinese proverbs. I believe it’s important to speak what we want into existence let’s just not spend so much time on finding the right words as opposed to creating the right behaviors.

There are so many people that are amazing at coming up with witty slogans or finding just the right phrases. But as long as your actions don’t match your language you will never be and have what you want!

Understand that if you’re becoming a “new you” you need to actually change to a new you. People who want to lose weight don’t just go to the gym, they start a new lifestyle; diet, exercise, rest…their whole life changes. Becoming a better student isn’t just about studying longer; it requires reading more, meeting with teachers/professors, getting into study groups, cutting back on counter productive behavior. Being a better mate isn’t just about being nicer or more romantic; it means listening, engaging, interacting, showing genuine love, compassion etc…

…and for many…that’s just too much work.

So what do we do? Stop talking! BE the person you want to be! Truly. If you don’t want to try harder…don’t. Stay on your mama’s couch at 35 still putting your name on the orange juice. Just save the countless speeches and rants about how this year will be different. If you don’t want to lose weight…don’t. Keep piling on the pounds getting everything “covered & smothered” & dipped in butter. Just stop posting pics of 6 pack abs and claims to be “working on your fitness”. If you don’t want to be a better mate…don’t. Keep running the streets, lying and being indifferent. Just stop quoting Drake, Will Smith & every romantic E-Card that says everything you DON’T feel. Save the words for those that truly believe them.

This moment is dedicated to the people that want to “talk the talk but not walk the walk”.

I’m not saying don’t try to be a better you…

I’m saying be the REAL you.

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