Sunday, June 3, 2018
“Why’s she with him?”, “I can’t picture you two together” , “that’s your friend?” Ahh yes! The company we keep… Some of us truly believe that we have some kind of broken radar when it comes to choosing men/women. That the world is filled to the brim with bad people and we seem to find every last one of them. In a world of no good men, disloyal hoes, shadiness at every turn and friendship trees that only bare Eddie Haskell fruit, we’re just trying to survive in these cold, cold streets. Our true tribe is out there somewhere and we’re just with “them” in the meantime. Maybe…Or are we really where we’re supposed to be?
I can only speak for myself (now don’t act like I’m the only one) but there was a time when I wasn’t overly particular about who I spent my time with. Miss Right was easily subbed out for Miss Right Now and good times occasionally beat out good people. I was running in circles and dating women that I didn’t feel represented the real me. But did it? I used to look at people with a degree of judgment somehow removing myself from the equation even though I was right there with them. Of all the individuals on the planet, I had a full network of these “types” of men and women. It took getting a little older and realizing that who I spent my time with was more telling of me then it was of them. Contrary to who I thought I was on the inside my actions and associations were screaming something different.
We all love to think that we picked wrong instead of dealing with the idea that maybe we were wrongly picked. That we were settling, not being settled for. In my mind I was living for the moment or just “having fun”. I felt as if I was the exception or the one that “didn’t belong there”. I saw myself as that one friend in the after school special who just got caught up with the wrong crowd. One bad mate/friend had me out of my element. The cold piece came when it hit me that if “Eagles don’t fly with pigeons” & “birds of a feather flock together” based on how I was living maybe I was a little more Finch than Falcon. There was a reason why these people were so accessible to me. Fruit is only low hanging to those at the bottom of the tree.
Now don’t get me wrong these were not “bad” people, they just didn’t live the kind of life I wanted to live. (Even though I was living it all the same) In my mind I was just passing through, but they lived there. A lot of them had settled into crappy circumstances, jobs they hated, were making permanent decisions with temporary people, were watching their dreams die daily and were content to stay there. Later I would learn that fear kept a lot of them in that space, and as much as I liked to say I was different from them we found ourselves together. It took me seeing that some of my insecurities and fears of failure kept me in the neighborhood of these like minded people. We were more similar than I cared to admit and it’s why we clicked in the first place. We were all on the same track running from ourselves. I was living a counterproductive life and they were down like four flat tires to join me. What made it worse was that I believed in my mind that I was “downgrading” in some of my choices of people to associate with not ever thinking that maybe they were the ones slumming it to be around me. I worked in questionable industries, drank a lot, partied frequently, fraternized with women that I knew my mama was never gonna meet etc… but I believed I was the Head Eagle In Charge…
This moment is just to shed a little light on how we see “those people”. The ones we think we’re better than and the situations we think we’re above. The truth is, coming to terms with the things I didn’t like about myself and addressing them inadvertently changed the people I was around. As my interests changed so did my environment. I entertained the people I was supposed to based on where I was with myself. If you’re someone who looks down on your circle. If you have comments, reservations or judgments on the people you date and kick it with regularly… you might want to check your feathers…
…your pigeon may be showing.
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